The Long Fall Forward
by Christoph Andretti
Summary: Formerly known as AMERICA And CANADA At Ouran! When America and Canada go to Ouran Academy, they never thought of the seven individuals that would haunt their lives. Now they must concoct a way to survive in this teenage wasteland. Based on the original story by Baileypuppylover.
1. Chapter 1

Hello ladies and gentleman. Welcome to this brand new adopted story. This is a crossover between Ouran and Hetalia. Now, I am very open to any and all suggestions for this story. The editing process for the first chapter is in full effect, and it will come out very shortly. Please let me know your thoughts on this new endeavor, and look at my other material to see if I'm right for this one. Thank you!


	2. The Real Beginning

Matthew Williams was in a rut deeper than the Pacific Ocean outside of his window. Underneath his red and white striped covers, he stared through the darkness at the stippled, light grey ceiling above him. A short nuzzling noise from the corner of the room punctured the dearth of silence in the room, with the ticking of the white wall clock in front of Matthew's bed accompanying it. Matthew ripped the covers off of him, and stood up on the cool hardwood floor. He sighed and made his way down a narrow hallway to a light around the corner.

When he turned, he saw the sleek, glass counter covered in burger wrappers from McDonald's, and a mirror-image of himself sitting on a high stool. The man was wearing a baggy grey hoodie and thin, black-rimmed glasses.

"It's four in the morning, Al." Matthew said.

Alfred waved and spoke with his mouth full. "Yo Broski, didn't know you slept in the buff. Showing off?"

Matthew looked down at his body. He was only wearing a pair of boxers colored with the Canadian flag. He raised an eyebrow, and he reached for an apple on the counter.

"I still have something on. You and I both know we look alike, with or without clothes."

"Don't bring that up." Alfred said quickly as his face grew slightly red. Matthew laughed, and Alfred snatched the apple from Matthew's loose grip and threw it at him, bouncing it off of his head.

"So, you thought about the idea, yet?" Alfred asked.

Matthew frowned and stared at the ceiling. He shrugged before leaning over the counter, pressing his forearms onto the cool surface. Matthew put his hand on Alfred's shoulders to get him to stop chewing for a second.

"I think it's best if we talk about this after the meeting. Remember, we decided Japan."

Alfred nodded, and stiffed another bite of a large cheeseburger into his continuously chewing mouth. He swallowed and wiped it clean. A gleam in his eye, he smirked. "Yes, that does make more sense. That's why you're the backup hero, Mattie." Alfred punched his fist through the cold air and froze it in front of Matthew

Matthew sighed, and he fist-bumped with Alfred. He lurched down the hallway and went back to his room. He saw his bed, then he took a running start. He jumped and leapt onto the bed, his face sliding onto the warm pillow. Suddenly, he heard a stirring of covers next to him. He turned his head to the left, and he saw a small polar bear next to him. He facepalmed before shaking the white fur of the creature. The bear's black eyes peered at Matthew's dark-blue ones.

"Who are you?" The bear asked.

Matthew's head dropped onto the pillow, and he burrowed his face into the grey pillowcase. "I'm Canada."

"Sure you are."

* * *

><p>The United Nations building was not well known for it's great directories located in front of every elevator door in the building. It makes sense that Kiku Honda, the national representative of Japan, would get tangled up in the mid-morning coffee rush of travelers. Then, he went into the wrong elevator shaft, going to the fortieth floor with the wailing of Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All" being his only consolation. Just as he entered the right floor, he looked down the grey hallway with rows of white roses and saw Alfred Jones jogging towards him, his cowlick curl sticking out to his side.<p>

"Yo, Japan. My bee. What's happening in your twisted world."

"Nothing to speak of, America." Japan said.

Alfred walked up in a brown bombers jacket and matching pants. His glasses were rested on the end of his nose, while a small white wrapper protruded from his pant's pocket. Japan bowed slightly, and straightened his back before hearing Alfred's bombastic voice. "I wouldnt speak of half of the stuff your thinking of, either." Alfred said with a chuckle.

Kiku's mouth hung open slightly, and he scratched the back of his head, digging under his straight, short black hair. "Do you know where the meeting room is?"

Alfred grinned and turned to the empty hallway. Kiku looked up at Alfred. Just as he was about to question his sanity, a figure looking exaclty like Alfred's appeared in front of him. Kiku shrieked.

"Dude, calm down. It's just Mattie."

"Who is that. Is it another you?" Kiku said with his voice breaking.

Matthew waved his hand at Kiku, with a polite smile on his face. "I'm Canada, and we need to ask you something. Have you ever felt alone, Japan."

"What are you talking about? Alfred-san, what are you shooting arrows about?" Kiku asked.

"Do you think there is more out there, Kiku? More than being a country personification? I've been alive for 236 years, and Mattie for 146."

"Alfred-san, are you depressed. I know some people that can give you something to help that."

"Matt just got off drugs, thank you. I'll be a bad influence." Matthew gasped at the statement while Alfred chuckled.

"Kidding. Anyway, me and my bro here came to a conclusion. The only way to experience what we want is to pretend to be human."

Kiku stood in front of the twins, silent as his black eyes raked over them. He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. His face was covered by his small hands, and he looked towards a painting of Tienanmen Square on the wall next to a black door. Kiku sighed, and he pointed at the painting.

"Did you decide to do this in Japan?" He asked.

The twins smiled, and Alfred balled his hands into fists while putting them in front of him, like an excited boxer ready to fight for a prize belt.

"Yuppers. Now, all we need is a cover story and a place to stay."

"We were thinking somebody that already lived there. So we could fully experience it." Matthew's airy voice whispered to the short Japanese man.

"America, you do know Tienanmen Square is in China, right?"

Alfred turned to the painting behind him, and he grimaced in horror. He smiled nervously and scratched his head. "Well, Japan is cooler anyway. So will you do it, G?"

"Sure, Alfred-san. If you two really wished this, I can't stop you."

Alfred turned and bear hugged Matthew. They both laughed, and then Matthew's face started to turn red. He tapped Alfred on his back, and Alfred let go with a fit of nervous chuckles.

"Heh, sorry Mattie. Forgot my strength."

"So, when do we leave?" Matthew asked.

"I'll have a home for you in two days. In fact, I already have a place for you in mind." Kiku said.

Two empty chairs were found at the meeting that day, along with vacation notices to two certain country's commander-in-chiefs.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, Ladies and Gentleman. Welcome to a new story, based on an old one. This is less of an adoption and more of a reconstruction. Keeping that in mind, please give any reviews, suggestions, insults, or inquires to me as soon as possible. They only take about twenty seconds, and it gives you a chance to vent out any frustration or happiness you have. Thank you!<strong>


	3. A Special Houseguest

The small brownstone house rested next to the rows of small, bare oak trees next to the quiet cobblestone street. The slight breeze blew a small cloud of leaves in front of the purple door of the house. Alfred and Matthew stood in front of it, holding a number of red and white bags, one of which hung over each of their shoulders. Their heads turned as the window on the black Volkswagen rolled down, revealing Kiku in the driver's seat."

"I only told him you were foreign exchange students, so don't blow your cover. He has a map of the town, too. You won't need to worry about trouble unless you go there."

"Free-of-worries is my middle name, homie. We'll be fine." Alfred smiled and waved at Kiku.

Kiku sighed as he rolled up the window. The soft rumble of the engine grew like the sun rising in the horizon. It started down the road, jumping and jostling over the bricks of the street like a horse racing in a pack. After stoping at a sign, the car made a sharp right turn, zipping through the corner of their eye and out onto the main street.

Alfred and Matthew hopped up the steps and slid their bags onto the grey welcome mat on the cracked concrete. Alfred popped his fist onto the door and rapt it onto the lavender portal. Matthew put his hand on Alfred's shoulder and held it to stop Alfred's increasing repetition.

"Sorry. got excited."

"What should we ask him first?" Matthew asked."

"Name. Number. Birthday. Still remember the language?" Alfred said.

"Yeah. Also got a dictionary in case we hit some McDonald's while we're here."

The door opened and revealed a teenage girl. She was wearing a short purple dress, along with two orange pony tail ribbons on her short-brown hair. Her brown eyes widened as she quickly straitened out her skirt and her armband with some kanji word the twins couldn't quite see yet. Suddenly, she grasped the wrists of two and yanked them in, causing them to yelp out.

"What. Ma'am, we need our bags."

"They'll be there when you get back. I have a lot to ask you."

She took their arms and swung them towards two leather chairs sitting next to a long glass table. The girl ran to the kitchen, leaving Alfred and Matthew to stare at each other.

"You're already wondering if this was a good idea, eh?" Matthew asked.

"We'll be fine. At least she's not boring." Alfred added while he took off his bomber's jacket and hung it from the back of the chair.

"If there's one thing i hate, it's boredom." The girl came back. She brought three yellow mugs that were smouldering with hot tea inside it. She flopped the large platter down in front of them, and grabbed a mug for herself.

"Even the tea is exciting. I put mint in it. You wouldn't believe the tea they serve around here. Even the convenience store down the street has good tea. Even the sewage taste good. It's from the tea, I tell you."

Alfred and Matthew slurped a small mouthful of the tea, causing the thick steam to run up their nose. The minty liquid swam down their throats, causing their eyes to bulge while the warmth traveled to their stomachs.

"This is pretty good. Thanks."

"No problem. So, can I guess who is who? I only saw your names on paper a minute ago."

"I'm Alfred. This is my brother. he's Matthew."

"I can answer for myself, Al." Matthew said in a solid, yet quiet voice.

"Well, you two are special, aren't you." The girl winked at the two before leaning on the counter. "I'm Har-."

"Haruhi Suzimiya!"

The front door slammed with the force of a bowling ball hitting a pin. A taller teenager with short brown hair and spiky bangs walked in, a firm scowl on his face, crinkling his brown eyes. He rushed into the kitchen and pointed at Haruhi.

"I heard what happened with Miss Asahina. You can't do that again in public. You can get arrested."

"Oh really. Then why did I do it?"

"Because you wouldn't care if Miss Asahina got chased by a bear as long as you asked for it."

"When have I asked something dangerous like that of her?" Haruhi asked with her palms in the air.

The boy rolled his eyes. He turned his head and jumped into the air, moving backwards as his chestnut eyes shifted to Haruhi.

"Who are those. Your cannibal vicitms?" The boy shouted. Haruhi scoffed and sat in front of Matthew and Alfred, who kept sipping on their tea as the scene unfolded.

"Those two are Alfred Jones and Matthew Williams. I forgot who is who, but that makes it more interesting. Are you done, Kyon? I have to interrogate these two on their past lives."

Kyon sighed and walked to the twins. He then put his arms around Alfred, causing him to go stiff in the chair. After that, Kyon moved to Matthew, who simply stared at the glass below him in disbelief. Kyon stepped back and looked at the two.

"I just want to apologize and congratulate you both in advance. Apologize for having to be in her house, and congratulate in case your still here tomorrow. So long, my fellow Suzimiya survivors." Kyon said. He walked across the hardwood floor, making a pitter-patter of footsteps fall on their ears. He opened the door, allowing the sound of a rumbling car and the wind to enter the house briefly, before closing the three people from the outside world.

Haruhi pouted and cupped her mug of tea while holding it in front of her face. She muttered something to herself, and put the tea down, revealing two shell-shocked people in front of her. She sighed and tapped on the cool surface of the table.

"Sorry about that. He blows up over stuff all the time. So, about aliens, I was wonde-."

"We weren't talking about aliens, miss." Matthew said.

"Oh, well we can talk about them now." Haruhi said.

Alfred's face lit up. "Dudette, aliens are so awesome." Alfred raised his thumb up in approval with a big grin.

Haruhi hopped up in her seat and leaned over the table. "Oh my goodness, yes. Have you seen one. Do you know anyone that has one? Anyone get abducted?"

"In America, strange things like that happen all the time. In fact, America discovered aliens. actually, aliens are pretty much American to begin with."

Haruhi shrieked in excitement and ran over to Alfred. "Tell me all you know."

"Well, for starters, I know an alien."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Oh really. Do you have proof?"

"Of course. My brother is actually Canadian, but he comes to America often. So, he's an alien."

Haruhi scowled at Alfred. She turned around her fists balled up. Then, her shoulders started to go up and down. She let out hiccups of laughter, then turned around laughing. Alfred and Matthew smiled modestly as the teenage girl wiped her eyes.

"Yeah, I figured. Don't do that again, though. My hopes were way too high anyway." Haruhi said as she reached behind the counter and lifted a few coins of yen.

"It's 4:33. So, could you go to the convenience store down the street. I really need milk and brownie mix for my club tomorrow. I'm afraid someone's gonna be grumpy." She said as her eyes shifted to the front door down the brown-walled hall.

Alfred and Matthew stuck their hands out as she poured the coins into their bare hands. They walked outside, and they waved to Haruhi as she smirked at them. They opened the door, seeing their luggage still outside. They took the bags and flung them to the foyer inside before closing the door and walking onto the smooth concrete sidewalk. The clouds hovered above them like the fluttering leaves dancing around them.

Inside the house, Haruhi Suzimiya was already cracking the twin's luggage open, searching for anything out of the ordinary of her boring life.

* * *

><p><strong>So there are two Haruhi's in this story. Sorry, couldn't resist. However, this does not change my feelings towards reviews, and any suggestions given to me by my very critical and beloved readers. As always, comment and concerns are welcome. Anything and everything is open for scrutiny or praise. Thank You!<strong>


	4. New Faces and Questions

The convienance store was located on the corner of a busy intersection. Japanese symbols in bright purple neon were posted next to a giant black arrow pointing to the front double door entrance. Small grass hedges set a perimeter of the shop, allowing openings for the narrow parking lot and entrances from the roads. There were three vending machines outside, all of them containing colored snack Unknown to travelers.

Matthew and Alfred rushed into the store, and they spitted two checkout counters, as well as a rack of three magazines. Alfred took Matthew's wrist and pulled him across the front area into an aisle filled with canned goods.

"The milk is that way, Al." Matthew pointed with his free hand towards a mold green sign that said "dairy products."

"Yeah bro, but first we need to ge-."

"Get hamburgers?" Matthew asked.

"You know me welly well." Alfred said.

Just as Alfred made a sharp turn at a corner of Oreo's and Coca-Cola, he collided with another body. Alfred hit her with full force, knocking her onto her back. She dropped a bottle tomato sauce, causing it to shatter and leave a river of the meat-filled liquid splattered on the white tile floor. The girl smoothed out her wrinkled blue jean and checked her pink blouse before looking up at the two twins.

"We didn't mean to do that. Sorry. This lump just wanted to get some burgers."

The girl sat silent. Matthew raised an eyebrow before opening his mouth in revelation.

"Sorry. I forgot my Japanese for a second." He said in the national language.

The girl closed her eyes and smiled. "It's fine. Didn't get anything On me. No lasagna tonight. I bet this was a sign."

"You don't need to be discouraged. The hero can get you some more." Alfred said with a wink.

The girl reached out and grabbed Alfred's arm. He lifted her up to her feet, and she looked down at the mess. "Got paper towels."

"Actually, that janitor is coming over, and he's not happy so let's go." The three of them went down the aisle and pretended to look at tomato sauce, ignoring the ugly looks the janitor was firing at them.

"So what's your name, beautiful." Alfred said as he looked down at the girl.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "My name is Haruhi, so now you can't call me beautiful anymore."

"I'm Canada." Matthew said before his eyes grew larger than a dinner plate. "I'm Canadian." he finished while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Okay. So is that your name? Saying your nationality first isn't something I'm used to." Haruhi said.

"Leave that to me. I'm Alfred, and my devilishly handsome clone is Matthew. We're new here, so we came to get supplies." Alfrd picked up a can of tomato sauce and examined the back of the bottle, squinting his eyes at the small Japanese lettering plastered on the white sticker of the glass jar.

"You came to Japan, and all your getting are burgers?"

"If McDonald's is around, then we are safe from anything. Think about it. If McDonald's ever closed down, how would people get anything as good as a scrumptious Big Mac?" Alfred asked.

Haruhi put her finger on her lip, and then she snapped her fingers. "They would just go to another restaurant, or have actual Japanese food."

Alfred sighed and slumped his shoulder down, letting his head fall onto one of the rack. He kept it there while Matthew turned back to her.

"We actually moves in with a Haruhi. She's letting us stay for our time here."

"Funny. The janitor is gone, so I think we're safe."

"Watch him be insane. Maybe he kills all of the garbage makers in this building." Alfred said as he stood up straight and face the short, coconut haired girl.

"Then you better get out. Cannibal janitors only kill foreigners." Haruhi said dryly.

Matthew and Alfred laughed. The waves at her before marching over to the milk section. The moist outside was dripping water around Matthew's hand as he grudgingly held the milk.

"The hero has to pay the price for his good deed, Mattie. But when I take a sick day, you can do it, too."

* * *

><p>"What are you doing in my kitchen?"<p>

Alfred stood in front of a record-black stove holding a yellow handled spatula encrusted with burnt pieces of beef. He turned around in his electric-blue apron to face Haruhi Suzimiya, who had her hands on her hips. Her face grew a frown as she saw the grease and cow blood that was dripped around the stove and white-tile. Alfred looked down at the floor, and he jumped up in surprise.

"I'll clean it later."

Haruhi walked over and hopped over the greasy spots before grabbing Alfred's apron. She went on her tiptoes and elevated herself towards his face. The red fan rotated above them, the light illuminating the room. Haruhi tilted her head towards the stove.

"Are you making burgers?"

Alfred turned his head to cough at the strong mint scent Haruhi's breath wafted at him. "I thought it would be good. You've never had real burgers."

"I had a burger earlier today." Haruhi said.

"You've never had real American burgers, though. Do you have barbeque seasoning, by the way."

Haruhi released the apron and sauntered over to the drawers underneath the counter. She pulled open the rectangular drawer. Inside, a large array of colored containers were lined up. Haruhi lifted one and kicked the door shut. She marched back to Alfred and thrusted the cylinder at him.

"This better not be bland tasting."

Alfred laughed. "Don't worry. I know my stuff."

Haruhi walked over to the corner of the dining room where a brown record player was hiding behind a grey folding chair. She switched it on, and she pulled down the needle onto the disk. A heavy guitar solo beamed out from the corner, swirling around the first floor of the house. Alfred walked out with a plate of burgers, wrapped with two buns on each side of the beef patty. He smiled as he laid down the platter and pushed Haruhi to a leather chair by the table. She stumbled before plopping herself onto the seat.

"You like 'Layla', huh? That was Eric Clapton's first big song." Alfred said.

"I found this in an empty room. When I first made my club, I saw it there. I never saw one in real life, so I snatched it."

"Me and Matt used to sit next to one and listen all the time. We just drank some nice German beer from this friend of mine, and we just shot the breeze, y'know what I'm saying?"

"How old are you? I thought America was tough on under-aged drinking?"

Alfred stopped and scratched his head. He looked down at the hardwood floor and tapped his foot on it to the rhythm of the song.

"The paper I got from that guy said you were seventeen, but it barely says anything else. Who are you really?" Haruhi narrowed her eyes and leaned over the thick armrest towards Alfred. He sighed and threw his hands up.

"Alright, you got me. I'm secretly a world-famous chef, and you need to eat the burger." Alfred gave her a plate and dropped a burger onto the pristine saucer.

Haruhi poked the soft, plain bun. She dug her thumb underneath the bun and gripped the large patty. The burger dripped grease and mustard onto the dish below it. Her nostrils flared up as she smelled the char-broiled beef underneath the wheat-holders around it. She finally took the burger, and bit off a small piece of the hot burger. She chewed slowly, and then she smirked at Alfred.

"It's pretty good." She said.

Alfred gasped. "Not perfect?"

"When your hungry, you'll eat anything. Call thing number two down so he can have some, too."

Alfred slumped his shoulder before slowly walking up to the stairs, his head hung in shame.

Haruhi stared at the burger, and covered her mouth with a napkin. A piano chord struck from the record player, making her hum along to the song, and bopping her head side-to-side. She heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and she let out a long breath.

Matthew came down and saw the platter of burgers. He smiled as he walked to the chair opposite of Haruhi. He sat down and reached for the platter of burgers. Before he could snatch one, Haruhi's hand grasped Matthew's wrist, causing him to gasp in surprise.

"You hear that record player?"

Matthew turned to the sound of music funneling towards his ears. "Is that 'Layla?'" He asked.

"Remind you of something?"

Alfred stomped down the steps and jumped onto the floor before rounding the corner to the dining room. He heard the question, and quickly intterupted.

"Remember our record player, Mattie. And the Germa-."

"He'll answer it, thank you. So, what does it remind you of."

"Is this some sort of test, Miss Suzimiya?"

"No burger until you answer." She said.

Matthew looked at Alfred, who was whistling to the tune of the song. Matthew stared back at Haruhi, and he answered with a shrug. "It reminds me of the nights me and Al used to sit and sip some beer. We lived in Germany for a bit, so the laws were better for us."

Later that night, Haruhi laid in bed, hugging her pillow and staring towards the smooth white ceiling over her, contemplating the two new housemates.


	5. The Start Of A Newer Life

Matthew's room was a simple beige-walled room with a window of the street below. There was an empty goldfish bowl with dust blanketing it on a black dresser pushed to the corner of the square room. There was a maroon desk to the side of the room, and the small twin bed sat across the room from the desk. A black lamp with a long red stem hid behind the bed. Matthew rustled the covers and walked to the window. He peeked through the blinds. The streetlights below started to flicker off, and the effect of the sunrise was starting to turn the sky into a deep purple. Matthew sighed, and bit his fingernails. The sun peeked over the rooftops across the city, spying on Matthew as he paced the blue carpet in his room. He took a small ball on the desk and squeezed it. Matthew looked at the clock. The alarm was minutes away from blaring out it's monotone buzzer. Matthew shut off the alarm, saving himself the pain of the clock's heedless warning.

It was to no avail, because Alfred's alarm went off. Matthew heard a loud groaning as the alarm clock was slammed onto Alfred's closed door. Matthew couldn't help but giggle. He went past Alfred's room and plodded down the stair. He turned the corner to the kitchen, where he saw Haruhi dumping a box of mocha cereal into a bowl.

"Glad to see your up, thing number whatever. Was the room great, or what?"

Matthew smiled and crossed the cool white tile to the refrigerator. He took out a cool gallon of milk and a full carton of eggs.

"What are you doing now?" Haruhi asked with a glare worn on her face.

"Did I do something before."

Haruhi stared at Matthew before shaking her head. "It must have been the other guy. Making something Canadianish, I bet. If thats were you are from."

"You say that like you don't believe me."

Haruhi slammed down her spoon and pointed at Matthew. "Capital of Canada. What is it?"

Matthew put down the milk and eggs while reaching up to a cabinet and pulling out a large glass bowl. "Ottawa."

"What province?"

"Ontario."

"When did the maple leaf become the official flag?"

"1965."

"What is the national sport?"

"Hockey and Lacrosse."

"First astronaut in space. Or whatever you call them up there."

"Astronauts, and Marc Garneau."

Haruhi groaned and slammed her head onto the glass table. Matthew snickered as he dumped some milk into the cold bowl. He took a spatula and pointed it at her with a smile on his face. "Believe me now? And did you already know that stuff?"

"I had to know where you guys are from. If you were from Russia, I would do the same thing."

"I don't think you would like if I was Russian."

A rumbling was heard upstairs. Haruhi and Matthew looked towards the corner as a thumping was heard coming down the stairs. Alfred rolled around the corner. He picked himself up and straightened his light-blue blazer and black pants. "You think this tie looks right? It's pretty flimsy."

Matthew face-palmed as Haruhi pointed her spoon at Alfred. She grinned as she twirled the spoon in her small hand. "I think that's backwards."

Alfred blinked and fumbled with the black tie holding a purple stripe down the middle. He yanked it off of his neck and then started to strip off his blazer and undershirt.

"Al, you should probably do that somewhere else."

"Don't be such a fuddyduddy number one or two. He can do whatever he wants. Now make your stuff, whatever it is." Haruhi said as she dug into her cereal like a child building a sandcastle.

Alfred stood shirtless as he tried to tie together the offending business noose around his neck. His abdominal muscles contracted as he struggled to loosen the tie's knot. His fists started to tremble under the stress his fingers and arm muscles were going through to unleash the tie from it's stuck position.

"It's like a finger trap. Why do they make us wear these nooses?"

Matthew sighed and walked over to Alfred. He took the tie and wrapped it around his neck. Then, he pulled one side to make it longer, and he moved it over one side. After that, he looped the short end trough the loop that was just created. He pulled the short side down like a helium balloon, and then he adjusted the knot to reach Alfred's accented collarbone.

"Thanks, Mattie. Can you do that slower, though.

"How do you do that normally for the meetings?" Matthew asked.

Alfred walked over to Matthew, grimacing as hisfeet squashed the freezing floor. He leaned towards Matthew's ear, a look of guilt on his face.

"Clip-ons." Alfred whispered. He pulled away as Matthew started to chuckle.

"So, you two are going to Ouran? I go to another school, but hopefully you can help me out."

Matthew and Alfred sat down next to each other and clasped their fingers to their own hands.

"So, as you know, I have created a club at my school called the SOS Brigade. Spreading excitement all Over the world with Suzimiya Haruhi. I think the objective of the club is self-explanatory. Now, Ouran is a pretty ritzy school with a bunch of rich, boring snobs. So, it should be easy for you two weirdos to start the new chapter of the SOS brigade." Haruhi said as she threw her arms up in the air with joy.

"Nothing in there sounds self-explanatory." Alfred said.

"The idea is that I need to expand my outfit. That way, there is more of a chance of finding and solving all the mysteries of the world. The rich snobs at Ouran are very influential, so if this works out, I could spread the Brigade all over the world. Then i have to come across something weird.

"We should probably get ready. We have a long day ahead of us." Alfred said as he took a sip from Haruhi's glass of orange juice. Matthew and Alfred stood up and scampered to the stairs before flying up them. They made it to the front of the bathroom, and as Matthew was pulling the door, Alfred tapped him on his broad shoulder.

"Let's not start a club on our first day."

"Or at all." Matthew finished.

Alfred held his fist out. Matthew sighed and fist-bumped him as the jammed through the narrow doorway into the bathroom.

* * *

><p>The neon green bus pulle away behind Alfred and Matthew. They looked up at a giant white brick building. There were large pink double-doors at the entrance. A long pool of glistening water bounced the sunlight off of theirfaces, making them lift their arms up to shield their eyes. A stone fountain of a mermaid sat at the large end of th fountain. Marble benches encircled the fountain, and the gate of the school was flowing with a stream of students, wearing blue and yellow school uniforms. Matthew and Alfred walked through, grazing their hands on the prickles of the green hedges surrounding the perimeter. As they approached the fountain, they smelled a fragrance of honeysuckle and roses clashed into the sweet atmosphere.<p>

"Mind opening the door?" Alfred asked.

"Matthew turned his head towards him and smirked. "The hero is asking me to do something for him?"

Alfred groaned. "It's not like you'll tell anyone."

"So let's compromise. We'll open the doors together." Matthew said as he reached for the ivory handles to the door.

Alfred smiled and nodded his head. "Let's do this broski."

* * *

><p>As always, comments an concerns are necessary for making this story better. it takes only twenty seconds, and it makes everybody happier. Thank you.<p> 


	6. A Quick Rest From Insanity

The hallways were decorated with several elaborate paintings and portraits of different figures. Alfred noticed one cubist painting by Picasso, tacked onto the wall in a solid gold frame that gleames in the harsh sunlight raining through the enormous bay windows in the main atrium. They climbed the velvet-carpet staircase, and soon turned down a wide corridor. Looking out the window, a large clock tower stamped its large shadow over the corner of the hedgemaze snakeing through the middle courtyard. They trounced over the marble floor in their raven penny loafers, leaving behind them a hard clacking sound.

They saw an open door, and looked up at the white sign over the door; it was the room for class 2-A. They looked at each other and nodded, their eyes tracing the wooden doorframe, clashing with the red and periwinkle pattern of the wall surrounding it. They walked into the classroom, and saw rows if block desks, connected underneath by a steel bar to the wooden chair behind it. A chalkboard sat behind the wide mahogany desk cluttered with a number of papers. One of which catching Alfred's eye, he looked down at his and his twins face. The Japanese wording encrypted the paper, leaving Alfred squinting his eyes like an elder without his glasses. Before he could make out the wording, Matthew elbowed him gently in his gut.

"Takes a minute to process, Mattie. I haven't read this in a while." Alfred said.

"Doesn't matter. The teacher is here, so we need to sit."

Alfred and Matthew sat next to each other squarely in the middle of the room. A number of students buzzed over menial activities of the day before. A few pointed at the new pair, with a few girls sitting on their desks grinning while talking with grand gestures towards the two. Alfred noticed this, and he waved at the pack with a smile, causing the gaggle of girls to snicker and giggle.

"Excuse me, but I think you have the wrong seat."

Matthew and Alfred looked up to see a black haired Asian man with thin-rimmed glasses. He clutched a black bag next to him, bearing a grey laptop. In his other hand was a thick black notebook that he set down on the desk.

"No big, dude. You can sit next to me."

"Al, I think he wants his desk back." Matthew whispered.

"Kyoya, don't scare the new kids away. I'm sorry, he's not that great yet around humans." A tall blonde man with deep blue, almost light lavender, eyes strolled into the room, a spring in his step as he announced his apology. "there's been talk about you two. Your the Jones twins. I meam, Williams. I don't know?"

"They can answer that in a second." A gruff voice filles the pockets of charger around the sunny classroom. A man with long strands of blonde hair raining down both sides of his head and a greying stubble on his chin plopped down in his chair. The class raced to their chairs, with Kyoya and the other teenager sitting next to them. There appeared to be two extra desks, so there were no odd men out in the room. The teacher spun in his leather black chair, and wafted the new twins forward.

"Mister Jones and Williams, please introduce us to the yourselves. Take all the time you need."

Altred grinned and clasped Matthew's hand, causing him to gasp as he was elevated to his feet and pulled to the front of the room. They turned around and faced the class, packed with blue blazers and yellow dress uniforms.

"How's it going, y'all. I'm Alfred, from the rocking world of America. My Eskimo brother here is Matthew, and he's Canadian."

The teacher let out a terse bark of laughter as he reclined in the chair, his arms crossed behind his head.

"And for our names, our parents divorced when we were a few months old. My mom took me to Canada, and our dad took Al to another place in Texas. That's a state in America. Al kept his name, and mom changed mine to Williams."

A hand from Kyoya shot up in the air. "How did you two end up here?" He asked.

"Our parents did an awesome thing and let us meet all the time. Eventually, the pulled a couple dollars together and shipped us off here." Alfred said as he rested his arm on Matthew's shoulder, whose face reddened slightly at the sight of the judge mental crowd in front of him.

"They sound quite wealthy. Do they do any work at a company around here?"

"They toom government jobs. One for good ole Texas, and the other for wherever the heck Ottawa is. That's the capital, just so you know."

Matthew sighed and turned to the teacher. "That's all from us." He walked back to his seat, with a jocular Alfred in tow. They landed in their comfortable seats. The teacher stood up and leaned on the chalkboard wearing a simple white button down short and blue tie with exclamation points splattered on the tie.

"Very good, newbies. I like them already. So, I am your Mister Abernathy. No sempai, sensei, sama, or whatever here. Just call me Mister Abernathy. I'm from the Appalachians in America. I was big behind the scenes in film, so I shot a good bit as a cinematographer for the movie Battle Royale. I've been stuck her ever since. I'm your home room and World History teacher, so you two picked the right time to drop in, because we are talking about the stars-and-striped now. I'm sure the rest of the class will introduce themselves in real time. So, just sit back, and let things run it's course. I'm actually a sub for the real teacher, so I'm learning with you younguns. So, somebody tell me about the Washingtin siege in 1812."

Alfred's hand shot up, and the teacher traced the room with his finger, sighing in defeat as he called on Alfred.

Alfred's smile faded to a frown. "First, the British took the main lower an upper regions of Canada. Then the natives there went and allied with them despite swearing allegiance with America first, taking over parts of the northeast. Then, in 1814 to be exact, the British landed in Washington, and they destroyed everything." Alfreds eyes widened and his speech halted like it was frozen in ice.

"So what happened during the attack." Mister Abernathy asked.

Alfred stayed frozen. He was stuck, like a roller coaster at the top of a hill. He felt the walls of the spacious room cave in on him slightly, but then he took a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, he continued. "Arthur tor-sorry. Armadas from the English tore down and burned the White House and former capital building. The Canadian natives weren't there to help anybody."

"I'm surprised you mention Canada so much, considering that many people don't remember the importance they had on that aspect of the war."

Alfred choked a little, noticeable only to Matthew, and Kyoya a seat way. He coughed a few timea and ruffled his hair. He started to tap his foot, making a small clank from the floor. He nodded quickly, and shifted his eyes slightly to Matthew, who smiled sadly at Alfred.

* * *

><p>Strolling down the hallway, Alfred had his headphones on as the pair traveled to the next class. Matthew looked towards Alfred and heared the loud music escape the earbuds. Matthew pulled out the earbuds, causing Alfred to gasp in surprise.<p>

"You only listen to Hall and Oates when you want to feel better." Matthew said.

"Rich Girl is my favorite song. That's an All-the-time song."

Matthew patted Alfred on his broad shoulder, padded with the light-blue blazer. "I know bringing that up hurts, but you've let go." Matthew smiled.

"Doesn't make remembering any easier."

Matthew turned Alfred towards him as they backed to the side of the hall wearing a large window, sowing the grey walkeays outdoors. "Al, remember who you are. All of those things about you, the funny, loud, obnoxious, and hero complexes you have are just that. You're complex, but you do so good at forgiving. Nobody expects you to hate them because you don't want that. You're smarter than you think. All that hurt made you the annoying and heroic brother you are today. It's easy for me to wish it wasn't any other way, but I hope you wont regret all of those times, because it's helped you realize just how important you are. Not because your a country, but because you mean to do more good than anyone, even if you do it in really stupid ways sometimes."

The boy in front of him froze. He was still like the eagle statues that were planted along the hallway. Alfred's lips started to tremble, causing Matthew to lean towards him. He clenched his fists, and sniffed loudly. Alfred choked up and suddenly pulled his brother into a tight embrace. Mat thew smiled as he wrapped his arms around Alfred's middle. Alfred's shoulders started shaking, and Matthew quickly shifted his eyes around th empty hallway, comfortable enough to soak in Alfred's releases tension.

"I don't regret a thing, Mattie." Alfred said into Matthew's shoulder.

Alfred pulled away, wiping a spot underneath his eyes and rubbing his warm face. He stared into Matthew's soft eyes. Suddenly he chuckled, making Matthew laugh with him.

"I'm still gonna listen to "Rich Girl". It still is one of my favorite songs."

"Gwen Stefani is really talented."

Alfred pushed Matthew away. "Dude, dont even joke about that. Hall and Oates all the way."

"By the way, that blonde guy came up to me after class. That's why you had to wait. He wanted us to go up to this music room. He said he thinks we're a good fit for something, but he wouldn't say. He speaks French, though, so I'm not the only one."

"I caught his name. Tamaki, and he seems really flighty. I hope he's not secretly your mom, as you said earlier."

Matthew groaned and face palmed. "I was just going along with it."

"And the Academy Award goes to you, Mattie. We gotta hurry, though. We need to make it to class. Sing along to "Rich Girl" with me?"

As the twins off-key gargles called singing fliated down the hall, a pair of dark eyes stared at their backs, holding a pen in one hand and a ink-black notebook in another, slightly gaping at the new students.


	7. Now For The Plot

Kyoya was slightly concerned about the lit screen on his new Macbook Air. He sat in the giant cafeteria with a plate of half-eaten chicken tenderloin and mashed potatoes flung to the side of long table. The smell of barbeque and basted turkey made the young man shiver slightly as a draft floated through the room. Kyoya continued his frantic typing, and again frowned at the sight before him. He slammed his fist onto the white table, causing a few heads to poke up towards him. He ignored them, and he tapped his long fingers on the immaculate table. He wiped his brow and brushed away the bangs of his obsidian hair. A tray slammed down in front of him, and he leaned his hunched over figure over the screen to see a blonde-haired teenager wearing a goofy smile.

"Kyoya, my dear best friend, why are you so sad?"

Kyoya groaned and tapped his fingers faster. "I'm not sad, you European monkey. I'm ticked off."

"Maybe you should take a break. What are you doing anyway."

Kyoya glared at him. "I'm trying to research these idiots your trying to bring into the club, Tamaki. I hoped you would do the same."

Tamaki sucked on the thin coffee straw in his cup, allowing the rich mocha to delve into his taste buds. The deep smell of brewed coffee escaping to Kyoya's side of the table. the scowling boy rested his head in his hands and planted his elbows onto the table. Tamaki frowned, and reached his hand out as he patted Kyoya's head. Kyoya shot his head up and waved the hand away.

"I hate when you do that. And why are you drinking like that?"

Tamaki looked down at the cardboard cup. "I like coffee in a straw."

"That's not a real straw. It's a coffee mixer."

"It's still a straw. Who made you strawmaster?"

The two sat in a swirling wind of silence as Kyoya kept typing on the keyboard, making a tapping noise akin to a woodpecker on a tall oak tree. "I can't figure a thing out about these two. Their files are inaccessible, and I'm not a hacker. Anytime I make progress, the next link shuts down my hopes like a failed nuclear plant."

"Gee, Kyoya. You only get insensitive when you're really upset." Tamaki sipped on the straw, drawing air into his mouth and created a vacuum noise.

"Somethings really weird about those two, but I did get their home address and number. I may have to pay a visit. They're housing with a Haruhi Suzimiya."

"Didn't know Haruhi was a common name."

"Well, glad I could help you grow another brain cell. That's a baker's dozen, right?"

Tamaki smiled softly at Kyoya and took his hand in his, causing Kyoya to stiffen up in his seat. "Kyoya, they'll be great. They'll join in, and they'll fit right in. So what if we don't know everything? They could be mysterious types."

Kyoya moved his hand away from Tamaki's soft, warm ones and continued typing. "I'll call up the Suzimiya residence later today. In the meantime, try not to screw this up."

Tamaki got up and went to the metal trash bin the corner of the room. He tossed the empty cup into the can. Tamaki looked back up at Kyoya, who was sitting alone at the large table, typing away on his computer like he was discovering the secrets of the world, and that one more click would solve the answer to any possible enigma left for him. Tamaki stared at him, and smiled sadly as he circled his thumb around his forefinger. He jumped up in surprise as the bell above him tolled back and forth, sashaying like a small schooner rolling in the choppy waters of the Ocean surrounding the islands of Japan. Screeching of chairs echoed in the large hall as the students squeezed out of the room, leaving Kyoya to gather his laptop and bag while scurrying to his next class. Tamaki broke out of his reverie and hurried along, catching up with Kyoya as they journeyed on through their day.

* * *

><p>The large white double doors rested underneath a room that said "Music Room 3". A gold arch surrounded the doorway, leaving a soft gleam shining around the door. Alfred and Matthew stood in front of it, considering the door and the two long hallways that clashed to this spot. They reached out the handles and gripped the cold ivory handles. Alfred hummed with one earphone in his ear. They looked at each other, and Matthew raised an eyebrow.<p>

"We don't need to do this, Al. It's probably stupid." Matthew said.

Alfred turned towards Matthew and put his head on the door, squashing his ear onto the wood. He put his hand on his other ear, trying to make out any sounds at the door.

"I don't hear anything. They're probably not there. It won't bit, Matty. Let's peek in and that's it."

Matthew sighed and heaved open the door. Suddenly, a bright light beamed through the cracks, widening in girth as the door opened further. The twins shielded their eyes as chalk-white and crimson rose pedals rained on them like a quiet waterfall. When the light dissipated, they looked in front of them, and they stared at the sight. There were seven men in front of them, wearing the identical light-blue school blazers with the purple and black tie. A set of red-haired twins leaned on each other, with mischevious smiles drawn on their faces. A tall, black haired man with igneous rock solid eyes glared at the two, with a short, blonde haired boy perched onto his shoulders, holding a pink stuffed rabbit. Kyoya and the French Japanese known as Tamaki were crowded next to the large purple chair in front of them. On the chair was a doe-eyed brown haired girlish boy. All of the men held red roses, having them lean over their clenched fists.

"Welcome to the Ho-oh. It's you two. I knew you guys would show up." Tamaki said as he dropped the rose and waltzed with the elegance of a ballerina in a music box towards the bespectacled pair.

"Boss, those are the one's you talked about?" A low voice from one of the yellowed-eyed twins said.

"They are special, thank you. These two are going to usher in a new era for the Host Club."

"Didn't we just usher in a new era with Haruhi?" A quieter voice came from one of the other doppelgangers, leaning on the other as their eyes lowered in boredom.

Tamaki all but shoved Alfred and Matthew forward, causing them to flail their thick arms out and lean over for balance. They found themselves in the middle of the room, standing closer to the pack of handsome men.

"Gentleman, this is Alfred Jones and Matthew Williams. Those two," Tamaki pointed at the twins on the other side of the invisible barrier created by the chair. "Are Hikaru and Kaour Hitachiin."

"Enchanted." The two barked out in unison.

"The cute one over here is Mitskuni Haninozuka, and his bird perch there is Takashi Morinozuka.

"Call me Honey! Takashi likes being called Mori, too. I hope you have a sweet tooth, becausse that's required here." The little kid waved at the, and ruffled Takashi's hair, making the taller boy grunt in agreement.

Tamaki walked them to the right side of the chair, gesturing at Kyoya. "This is Kyoya. You met him. He's cranky today, but normally he is the club comedian."

"That was the second best joke i've seen all day, Tamaki. Keep it up." Kyoya said with his eyes closed.

"Finally, our third-newest member to the club. Our natural type, Haruhi Fujioka. He's a little standoffish, but he's the most reliable person you can have on your side."

"Gee, Sempai. If you said that to me first, I would have joined the club sooner." Haruhi said before she yawned and leaned on the yellow armrest of the chair.

"Wait a minute. I remember you." Matthew said.

The host club sat in silence. Suddenly, Alfred gasped and pointed at the host in the chair. He stammered a few times, and then he clapped his hands. The people around him gaped at him as Haruhi shook her head and hid her vision of the group with her hands, envisioning another place that was much calmer and less contrived.

"Sorry, but dude, your not a dude."

"You're a girl. We saw you at the store. Unless you are a guy, and we have it backwards."

"What makes you think its the other way around?" Haruhi asked.

Matthew made a small noise and his face reddened like a light fading in from the darkness of an attic. "Well, you all could be like that. We don't want to assume anything."

"Wait. We don't cross dress. Normally." One of the twins said with a snarky voice.

"Yeah, we just do it once in a while. And not in public, either." The other twin said.

Tamaki gasped and turned Haruhi around. He grabbed Kyoya and then ran up to Alfred and Matthew, collecting them into his arms and pushing them with Kyoya to a corner of the room, away from the surprised host club. When at the corner, Tamaki jumped up and tightened his hands on Alfred's shoulders, his knuckles turning white from the pressure.

"Who told you about this. How could you find out so fast?"

"We told you. It was an accident."

"Well, Tamaki, the jig is up. Better start packing up the room, because the host club is gone."

Alfred frowned and moved towards Kyoya. "Whaddya mean gone? Who said we would tell anybody? If you guys want to do things like this, then that's fine, but we won't mess up,,,what you have here. Heroes don't cause others harm." Alfred said with a confident sparkle in his eye.

Kyoya groaned and cracked open his black notebook, scribbling inside it. "Regardless, we need to keep this secret. I don't know how it is where you're from, but a girl in a host club isn't exactly normal."

Matthew smiled nervously. "It's okay. We don't really know what normal is, anyway." He said quietly.

"We're gonna need you to join, though." Tamaki said.

Alfred and Matthew tried to stifle the bouts of laughter, but a few chuckles and snickers escaped from them like a parrot out of a birdcage. Their shoulders rocked up and down as they tried to control themselves, leaving an annoyed Kyoya and a worried Tamaki to gawk at the. They wiped their eyes of any happy tears, and then they looked back at the impatient individuals in front of them.

"Sorry, dudes, but this place is cramping my style. Anyway, we have stuff to do, so if you would like to-."

"Al, can I say something to you." A quiet voice said. Matthew took one of Alfred's arms and shuffled him to another corner of the room, juxtaposed in front of a large window, showcasing the town in front of them. A brown eagle zipped past them, and the sun burrowed its warmth into their skin as Alfred tapped his foot impatiently. "I think we should give it a shot."

"Why? Do you know what a host club is, Mattie. It's just some people acting all polite and having some girls talk about you saying 'oh, your so pretty. Can I braid your hair. Maybe i'll have a chocolate. Did you know chocolate is the symbol of love. Maybe we should be together forever.' Mattie, let's do something butch, like join the rugby team. I heard those guys throw down." Alfred smirked and gave Matthew a thumbs-up.

"Al, I want to join because that's what we're here for. Aren't we suppose to go in and do things we don't like. We need to explore every area of what we don't know. We're out of our zone. We are in Rome, Al. So we need to stop acting like Mesopotamians and do what the Romans do. Otherwise, we won't gain anything from this experiment."

Alfred pressed his hands on his soft hair, careful to miss the cowlick jutting out from his head. He blew out a long stream of hot air, before throwing his hands up and looking out the window, the sun momentarily making him see a wide array of red and white spots cloud his vision. "So they rest easier because they're apparently big secret is out. Then what, we sleep with a thousand girls? Mattie, we could tag team some girl anytime. We don't need a high school for that. Actually, sleeping around is considered by some people as normal high school behavior." Alfred tapped his chin and looked up at the pink ceiling.

"Al, I think Tamaki might have heard you." Matthew pointed to the blonde-haired man, who was know sprawled on the floor like he had just become a permanent outline at a police crime scene. Kyoya had a small pot of water, and poured it on him, causing Tamaki to spring up and shout in pain. The water was boiling hot, and steam emanated from Tamaki as he ran around like a chicken without a head.

"Okay, so now what? We just blend in with them?"

"You and I both know this is way out in left field for us. So, let's catch some pop fly's. Worse case scenario, we leave and ignore them."

Alfred turned to the group of people, staring at them as they deliberated. The twins tapped their feet. Takashi spun around Honey with a slight frown on his face. Tamaki looked at the two with his hands clasped in front of his chest, like he was praying to some god for a miracle. Kyoya was furiosly writing in his notebook, before checking on his laptop on the floor for any more answers to the next inquiry he was going to write. Alfred turned back to Matthew, and sighed.

"I guess I'll play ball for a bit. Don't take that the wrong way. I just want to do this to see what it's like." Alfred pointed at Matthew with a stern look on his face.

Matthew smiled and started walking towards the group. "You know, I'm more nervous than you are. I'm not good at girls. You know that, but this is one place I can mess up in. I have nothing to lose, Al. This might be my only chance to make any mistakes."

Alfred walked with him and they stopped shy of Tamaki, whose eyes were dramatically red with the bloodlines in his eyes brightened in agony. They looked at him, then at each other. Alfred nodded at Matthew, and whipped his head towards the crestfallen teenager in front of him.

"Do we get a 'welcome to the host club' badge or something?" Alfred asked.

If Tamaki could have floated into the air and ascended into the quiet realms where the goddess of luck lived, he would have asked for his wings from the new pair of host club members before him.

* * *

><p><strong>So another chapter down. This was admittedly a bitter harder to write the script for it. This is the boring stuff. Now we can have some real fun with real situations. As always, comments, reviews, and suggestions are loved. Also, If you don't know, I am running the 2014 Hetalia Awards, and have gotten a boatload of people to vote and nominate others. Check it out and vote. It's rewarding to others. Do good in the world, and thank you!<strong>


	8. Risque Business

The sun started to disappear on the busy town, as cars whizzed by Alfred and Matthew, causing the wind to swirl around them like a gentle wave of mist spraying over them on a tropical beach. They walked down the street in silence, letting the whooshing and rumble of the car's tires pressing down on the charcoal pavement. The dark orange and sapphire-tinged sky enveloped the world below, watching the two cross an intersection and walk past the convenience store with the flickering neon sign begging them to walk in for no reason. After passing it, they finally came across the humble two-story brownstone. They climbed up the steps, and Alfred yanked the thin door open.

"Harder, Kyon. Harder!"

Alfred and Matthew shared worried glances as they tip-toed over the tile floor, their penny loafers making a clacking noise that reverberated around them. They rounded the corner, hearing glass clattering as a table was repeatedly moved. They poked their heads out. Haruhi Suzimiya was sitting on a stool with her legs crossed, and she was looking down at a stoic man with a deep frown encrusted on his face. He had his hands on a red plush sofa, and was sliding it's wooden pegs across the floor, leaving small white skid marks in his wake.

"Baka! You hit the table. Penalty."

Kyon wiped his brow and pointed at Haruhi angrily. He closed in on her and growled in frustration. "I don't have money for five people at the steakhouse, Haruhi."

"But you promised. And you could just take me. I am the only one here."

"That's it. I'm leaving. Enjoy your couch." Kyon turned aroound and bumped shoulders with Alfred. He trounced down the hallway with his fists clenched before opening the door, allowing the quiet sound of the street to waft into the house briefly. The door slammed and made the glass mirror on the wall vibrate and clank onto the wall. Haruhi groaned and leaped off of the couch, facing the twins.

"Sorry about that. He's not very good with humans. So, how many new members did you get?"

Alfred and Matthew grimaced at Haruhi. Alfred scratched his neck and plastered on a quick smile. "What are you saying?" He asked.

Haruhi facepalmed and whipped her head up towards the tall men. "The SOS Brigade, idiots. How many did you get."

Matthew put down his Canadian Red and White bag with a picture of a maple leaf sewn on it, and sat on the plush couch. "Seven."

Haruhi's face grew a smile wider than the Amazon River. Her ascent to power was well on the rise like baking bread. Her quest for the strange and mysterious was well on its way. She twiddled her fingers while grinning like an insane cannibal. "Well, of course you got seven. Who are they?"

Alfred played along. "A set of twins, some French guy, a cross-dresser, some little kid, and two other black-haired tall guys."

Haruhi hopped in her spot like a rabbit who had just found the last carrot before winter set in. "Another set of twins? And a foreigner? Something big is happening around here. Can you sneak me into Ouran tomorrow?"

Matthew's flace bloomed into one of worry and surprise, and he leapt up and gestured at Alfred to do something. Alfred waved his hands on the air, and smiled nervously at Haruhi. "We are new, so trespassing is not smart right now. Besides, we have to gain the school's trust before we do anything. The club just got started."

The brown-haired girl with ponytails clutched her head and her face lit up in revelation. "of course! We have to gain trust before we infiltrate. I slay myself sometimes. Keep up the good work gentleman. I have a date at a steakhouse I have to go to, so have fun." The girl in a dark red sun dress and jeans skipped down the hall and escaped out of the brownstone house into the quiet cobblestone street. Matthew and Alfred simultaneously breathed out a sigh of relief.

"So, what type do you plan on being, shy one." Alfred said with a thumbs-up and a wink.

Matthew rolled his cerulean eyes and sprawled himself out on the couch again. "I don't wanna be the shy type."

"Would you rather the the mysterious type? We can't be copies of those other twins. You heard what he said."

"How about I'll be the Canadian type, and you'll be the American type. We can just be normally stereotypical."

ALfred looked up at the ceiling. He walked towards the yellow refridgerator in the corner and opened the cool door. He reached his arm in before whipping out a cold leftover burger. He took the burger and muched on it, making an audible cruch that made Matthew gag. Suddenly, Alfred's eyes shot open wider than dinner plates as he grinned at Matthew.

"I know what we can be." Alfred said as projectiles of beef rocketd from his mouth onto the floor.

"Jesus, Al. Swallow."

Alfred swallowed the cold burger. "I know what we should be."

"Spit it out, Alfred."

"The stripper types."

Matthew put his face down on the couch. He took a yellow pillow on the couch and covered his head with it, trying to avoid the missles of sound coming from Alfred's mouth. "Don't tell me you mean that."

"We look great. We could make big-time money." Alfred said with a thumbs-up.

"Al, this is high school. They're not gonna let us strip."

"You could be the shy stripper, and I could be all flashy and stuff."

"We'll strip our way to jail, and out of Japan. Kiku wouldn't even want to look at us again."

Alfred frowned and sauntered to the record player. He knelt down to the wooden cabinet underneath the sound maker, and he opened it. A yellow record sleeve was pulled out, and a record clattered onto the top surface of the player. Alfred turned it on, and pulled the needle down like a hangman's noose. Matthew cringed as a giant trumpet riff from "Move On Up" exploded in the house, making Alfred move his hips back and forth. Matthew gaped at his twin as Alfred motioned for him to come forward. Matthew shook his head as Alfred started to unbutton his blazer. Matthew broke out of his frozen state, and leapt up towards Alfred. Alfred tore off his tie, and started to head for the belt on his black, soft dress pants. Matthew reached him, throwing him into a bear hug, smothering Alfred's arms to his side.

"Let me go, Mattie. I'm practicing." Alfred shouted.

Matthew tackled Alfred to the ground as they both gasped for air from the hard plummet to the hard floor. They both looked at each other as they tried to regain their breath. Matthew looked up at the record player, the thin saucer on it spinning quickly to the rhythm of the loud song. "I'll admit. I've never seen anyone try to strip to Curtis Mayfield."

Alfred crawled back from Matthew and leaned on the coconut-brown wall. Matthew sat up, rubbing his left his as he grimaced in slight pain that echoed through his body like the funk music emanating from the record player. They stared at each other, and Matthew scooted forward towards him. Alfred ruffled his hair, and then he knocked on the wall next to him.

"Knock on wood. So, shy type for you, and playful type for me. Unless you object." Alfred said with a soft smile.

Matthew sighed and rested his eyes from the sight of a partially undressed and disheveled Alfred. "I don't have any better ideas."

* * *

><p><strong>Another quick scene to advance the plot. The fun stuff is coming up, though. Please review and leave any suggestions for the future of this story. Thank you!<strong>


	9. Open For Business

It was the first day of Matthew and Alfred's new found duties to the Ouran High School Host Club. They arrived at the school fifteen minutes early, and they waltzed into the large formerly abandoned music room. The sun had just risen outside, warming the cool air that entrapped the town. There was nothing quite like walking to school in the morning, Alfred thought. The goosebumps on his skin had vanished, leaving him with a toasty warmth that tingled down his spin. The rough buzzing of Clarence Clemon's saxophone in "Jungleland" made his ears buzz, giving him excitement like a small child running through a toy store. He and Matthew sauntered up to Kyoya, who was sitting at a mahogany table, typing away on his laptop like a robot processing a new organism on another planet. His thin glasses shimmered from the reflective light on the screen.

"Glad you could get here on time." Kyoya said without looking up from the laptop. "Wanted to let you know the protocol for the day. Basically, do nothing illegal. That's it. The customers are very forgiving when it comes to the Host Club, so be creative. today will be a normal host club day, so you'll be getting a group of customers, and you'll entertain them. That's basically it."

Alfred raised his hand. "So, dude. I know I'm a hero and all that, but how could I be one here? I can't exactly do my role unless something happens."

Kyoya sighed and pushed up his glasses towards the top of his nose. "Think of something. Maybe the Hitachiins will pull some prank, and you could swoop in and save the day. Creativity is key. Just don''t burn a house down for an ant problem. You two will be fine."

Matthew looked at Kyoya with a worried expression. His back was tense, and he had a tough time sleeping the night before. Even though he wanted to take a proverbial leap of faith and dunk himself into the murky waters of high school life, his chronic nervousness and tension plagued him. He looked next to him at his twin. Alfred was smirking, his eyes twinkling with curiosity and confidence. His chest was puffed out like an owl ready to strike a running field mouse at night. He turned and quickly walked out of the room, breathing slightly faster than before. Alfred scurried after him as they walked to their first class. He put his hand on Matthew's shoulders as Matthew closed his eyes and held his breath.

"Ten seconds. Let it out." Alfred said.

Matthew blew a hot stream of air into the cool honeysuckle atmosphere of the school. He looked at Alfred, who had a small frown on his face. "I heard you pacing in the room last night."

Matthew scratched the back of his head before lowering it, fixing his eyes on the white marble floor. "Those walls are pretty thin, aren't they."

"No one's forcing us to do this." Alfred put his hand under Matthew's angular chin and lifted his head up, forcing him to look at him. "Don't feel like you need to prove anything."

"Everything will be just fine, Al. Let's go to class." Matthew shuffled past him, leaving Alfred to look at his twin brother, a ghost of doubt and worry washing across the confidence that once embodied him.

* * *

><p>"So in 1814, who was the main leader of the American forces that drove down the British to the Gulf of Mexico in the battle of New Orleans."<p>

A hand shot up, making Mr. Abernathy look around the classroom for any other volunteers, to no avail. He pointed at the hand, and Alfred lowered it.

"Andrew Jackson." Alfred said with a small frown on his face.

"Right. Now let's keep it going. Reviewing is important. This test is coming from what you all know. Not me."

Alfred leaned his elbow onto the windowsill, making a small cloud of fog on the cool windowpane. He saw the town in front of him with cars that swept in every direction towards and away from the blurry horizon. The colors of the different buildings and people's clothing in town were more diverse than the rainforest ecosystem of the Amazon River. Next to him, Matthew tapped his finger on the wooden desk, clicking his fingernail onto the dusty surface while looking up at the frozen clock of Mister Abernathy's obviously fake hair.

* * *

><p>The mystique of the large double doors at the end of the pink hallway shimmered with the aura of the dirty glitz and high-society muddle that was heard from beyond the two wooden portals. Matthew and Alfred walked inside, and found Tamaki running around with an emerald vase in his hands. He was shouting out in unintelligible garble akin to a drunk man at a swanky bar in uptown Greenwich Village after New Years' Eve. Hikaru and Kaoru were scanning each other with lint rollers, collecting the dust and hair that clinged onto them with static electricity. Kyoya was calmly sitting at the front desk, awaiting the sea of customers that would crash into the shores of the music room any second. Honey already had a large dish of yellow cake in front of him, topped with chocolate-dipped strawberries. He laughed as he clanged a spoon onto the dish, impatiently waiting for his cue to begin his sugary quest for satisfaction. Mori sat with a stoic expression in front of him, resting his head on his strong arm. Finally, Haruhi was sitting on the couch as quiet as the hallways outside.<p>

Tamaki spotted the twins, and pointed at a table. "Alfred, sit at that one. Matthew, mon cher, the chair by the stereo system is yours. Good luck, and hop-sing. Haruhi! Why aren't you spraying the perfume I got you?" Tamaki scurried over to the brown-haired cross dresser, who had her arms crossed in annoyance.

Alfred winked at Matthew and walked over to the table with a glass vase of white roses planted in the middle, with a cup of steaming min tea waiting for him. Matthew quickly walked over to the table by a silver stereo system with large black vertical speakers almost as tall as himself rested behind him. He sat there, and tapped his foot to the soft trumpet playing and the crooning singer's silk vocals.

"You like it, mon cher? Bobby Darin is one of my favorites, behind Elton John, of course." Tamaki said to Kyoya, who was penciling in his notebook.

"Of course you'd like Elton John." Kyoya snapped at him.

Just as the pink clock above the main door struck four, the wide doors opened, revealing a swarm of yellow-dresses sailing past the entryway and filing over the room like spreading water spilled onto a floor. A number of girls talked amongst themselves, chattering animatedly as they saw the two new hosts seated at separate tables. Alfred winked at a pair of brown-haired girls, who laughed in return and flocked towards him. Three girls automatically headed towards Matthew, making his back frozen stiff as he started to become overcome by his pressure-sensitive nerves. He mentally chastised himself to keep his cool. He clasped his hands together in front of him, and put on a small smile. He adjusted his glasses on his face as the three sat down. The one directly in front of him appeared to be the trio's leader, having the others follow her around like baby geese. She had flowing, straight chestnut hair, and dark-chocolate eyes. The other two sat beside her as they reached for the tea cups in front of them.

"So you're the new host. What's your name, cutie?" The ringleader winked at him, causing Matthew to lean back slightly.

"I'm C-Matthew. Alfred's over there. He's my brother." Matthew nodded his head towards Alfred, who was making large gestures into the sky, making the two girls by him to cover their mouths to stifle giggles.

"He looks fun, but it's the quietest ones who have the wildest times, am I right?" The girl said as she leaned forward.

Matthew laughed nervously. "I'm sorry, but it's been a while since such beautiful girls have talked to me like this."

The two girls next to the main girl squealed in delight while the brown-haired girl laughed. "Your so silly. You must have had all the girls on you where your from. Which is?"

"Canada."

"So are you part french?" The girl on the left asked excitedly.

Matthew smiled and nodded while ruffling his hair. The two girls wrapped their heads behind the middle girl's back, talking in high-pitched tones to high for males to comprehend accurately. The girl on the left turned back to Matthew and clapped her hands together. "I'm sorry. you're so far away from home."

"Well, it is a long trip, but if I come across girl's like you, I won't feel as alone." Matthew said.

"I bet that's not all that's long, if your french." The middle girl winked again and smirked at Matthew.

Matthew's face grew redder than a small boy holding his breath to win an argument. He chuckled nervously and took a sip of the tea to ease his tension. The three girls gawked at him, and let out a simultaneous "Aww."

"So ladies, what makes you happy?" Matthew said with a shaky grin. The girls looked at each other, and the middle girl raised an eyebrow.

"Just in a general type way?" She asked. Matthew nodded.

"I guess seeing hunky guys like you." The other two girls nodded in agreement. Matthew's face flushed again as the middle girl leaned forward.

"Now, Mister Shy Guy, what do you see in a girl?"

Matthew took another sip of his tea, letting the warm liquid swish down his throat. "I just like a girl that knows I'm here. For her, and for needs, and a girl that can love herself."

Matthew smiled as the girls let out noises of awe again, and he looked across the room, squinting his eyes as his vision darted to Alfred. Alfred sat in front of a couple of girls, who held each other's hands as Alfred spoke with the speed of a diving eagle.

"So then Arthur fell into the water. He's always had trouble with water, which is hilarious since he was a pir-he always wanted to be a pirate when he grew up. There was nobody there, and the water was close to frozen solid on the surface. So, I took an anchor that was laying on the dock and flung it in. Alfred shaped the air around him and flicked his hands like he was throwing something away from him. "After it plunged it, I swam down and saw him. His face had turned blue, so his day was close to ruined. I dragged him up and we flopped on the dock like a bunch of fish." Alfred took a sip from his tea as the two girls gasped in fear.

"What happened to your friend?" One of the girls asked.

Alfred set down his small white mug with a clatter, and he gave the girls a thumbs up. "It was no big deal, because I saved the day. He wasn't breathing, so i swallowed my pride, and locked lips with him. I blew air of life into him, and then he started to breath again. He got hypothermia, but he recovered after a few weeks. He pretends he was embarrassed, but he was grateful."

The girls clapped as they held wide grins on their heart-shaped faces. "That must be tough, to see your friend almost die."

"Crazier things have happened. I tease him about preforming CPR now and again, but I would do it again in a heartbeat."

The girls squealed and leaned closer towards each other. "You wouldn't mind kissing him."

"Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, if the same thing happened to you, I would do the exact same thing. Maybe even a little longer, just to make sure." Alfred said with a wink from his ocean-blue eyes. The girls blushed furiously and covered their mouths in excited glee.

Lean in close. I want to tell you a secret." Alfred shifted his eyes and leaned forward and cupped his hands around his lips, masking the secret he was going to tell them. "The truth is, Arthur is madly in love with me. Every day since then, I can see the sparkle of love in his eyes. Now, heroes want everybody to be happy, but I'm only into hot, smart girls like yourselves," The girls reddened once again like they were being sun-burnt. "So, I need to lay him down gently, but I have an idea. How about one day I bring him here, and you two can help whip him into romantic shape. That way, he can chase the French guy I was talking about, and you two can be heroes like me. We'll have even more in common." Alfred lowered the tone of his voice. The girls nodded their heads, bouncing in their chairs like excited children.

With much more blushing and menial small-talk, along with a healthy mixture of suggestive incest from the Hitachiin twins and flirting, the Host Club shut down for the day. The crew cleaned up quickly, and Tamaki came up to the twins and threw his arms around each of their necks, giving them kisses on their cheeks. "well done, my amazing proteges. Those few you started out with already requested you two again. And those few are going to grow. Soon, you'll have so many people around you, you won't be able to breath." Tamaki laughed and rushed out of the room, his bag in tow. Alfred and Matthew gave each other questioning glances. Alfred smiled, causing Matthew to chuckle slightly. They fist-bumped each other, and then they turned towards the door.

"We broke down the first wall of high school, Mattie. Now we ride out the waves." Alfred said.

Matthew looked at the door while bumping his shoulder with Alfred. "Sometimes you have to run with the bulls, Al. We might escape without causing a war."

They both chuckled and heaved open the heavy doors before disappearing behind the walls. Kyoya looked at them, and down at the financial spreadsheet in front of him. He sighed, and marked down a few numbers.

"They may prove useful yet. If only I knew who these Canadimerican idiots are."

* * *

><p><strong>It's not that I have anything less worthy to do, but these are not to hard to churn out. As always, long reviews and suggestions for the future of the story are held closely and dear to me. Thank you, and check out the awards I'm setting up.<strong>


	10. Brewing By The Old Fireplace

"Seriously, Mattie? She said all of that?"

I don't pull stories out of thin-air, Al."

Alfred was munching on a couple of salt-encrusted french fries squeezed together by his large hands. He rested his elbows on a grey table drowning in grease and grime from the daily use. They sat in a crimson plastic booth with tearing criss-crossing around the seat. Matthew had a small milkshake in front of him, wrapping his tongue around the blue straw poking out of an opening at the top of the translucent plastic dome on the cup. Alfred had a stack of burgers in front of him that would give Diabetes to at least ten individual men. White vanilla liquid traveled up the straw as Matthew drank from the short cup. His face scrunched up like a dirty dish rag from the sweet dairy nectar.

"Dude, you're totes hitting it big with the girls around here. Just remember, in case you get into some-."

"Al, I doubt anyone's serious when it come-."

"I'm serious, though. You need to watch your back. Don't think I don't notice things. They were ready to jump you right there." Alfred paused to catch his breath. Matthew looked out the fingerprint-stained window. A car's headlights sailed over the elephant-grey concrete while it battered through the soft night wind. Some pedestrians were walking, and the moon peeked over the small businesses. The Doobie Brothers "What A Fool Believes" breathed out of the speakers, making Alfred tap his fingers on the table.

"Al, does it creep you out that were over a hundred something years older than them?"

Al threw his hands up in the air, letting his large burger plop onto the paper wrapper crumpled on the table. "I just wanted to say that if you need help, we can always tag team."

"I thought you said to not mention that." Matthew said.

"Things have changed. The people around here are different."

"And now we have to get this tea. I've never even heard of it." Matthew took another bit of his milkshake.

"So how about we just not get the tea."

Matthew frowned. "We should probably not try to get kicked out, Al."

Alfred leaned forward on his elbows. "We won't get kicked out. We'll be creative." Alfred took an American Dollar out of his pocket. He held it up to Matthew. "You see those fuzzy lines right there. That means it is conterfeit. So, we just have to make an illusion. It's like a movie. Some effects are so well-hidden that they won't even question it's genuineness to begin with. We'll get some jasmine tea, and we'll put some cool-aid in there or something."

"Or we could assume that they would know what it would taste like, since they have about a third of the Japanese economy under their mattresses everyday."

Alfred frowned and looked at the table. He picked at a small piece of the ripped plastic. "I think it's time to give somebody a call."

* * *

><p>"No, you blokes. I'm not giving you any recipe."<p>

Alfred and Matthew were sitting in Haruhi Suzimiya's house, watching the spinning wheels of the laundry machine while shouting over the commotion into the phone. The kitchen was immaculate, with nary a spatula nor bread crumb out of its place. The recess lighting built into the ceiling was fully switched on, illuminating the kitchen into a bright bulb.

"We need it for our special experiment."

A sigh was heard over the phone. "Alfred. I thought you were through that phase of your life."

Alfred nearly dropped the phone. Matthew reached over and snatched away. "Actually, Arthur, you didn't hear about the experiment we're doing."

"I don't need to know about any experiment. I heard about your little scheme going on at that school. You're going to terrify all of those kids. All you do is leave paths of destruction, so you best get up and save other people the trouble."

Matthew stared blankly at the wall while Alfred finished clutching his stomach and retching. He gripped the phone in his hands and sniffed slightly into the phone. "Arthur, in the time you yelled at us, you could have given us the recipe."

Alfred stopped and turned to Matthew. Matthew's eyes had grown a crimson red. His gaze was fixated onto the light purple wall in front of him. Alfred reached up and tapped him on the shoulder. Matthew remained frozen in the same spot, causing Alfred to growl. He grabbed the phone away from Matthew.

"What's that supposed to mean, Britain? Are you saying we're not good enough for your tea?"

The line on the end was silent. "Don't you remember what you said before?

"You always hated my tea." A quiet voice said.

"Why are you changing the subject? When we were younger, I fell off of that ladder. Remember how Matthew actually came to get you. Then, you showed up and got me some tea. Do you remember what I asked next," Alfred shouted. "Never mind, you probably forgot. You said that if I acted like a big boy, then you would tell me what went into your tea. Are you saying we're not big boys? Because we sure as hell have gone through as much as anyone else in this world. So, if this is just you being you, or if you just hate us for no reason, then remember all of those promises you never kept."

"I always kept as many pr-."

"Even the simple ones. You never did take us to the train station, did you."

The line stayed silent. Alfred rubbed the temples of his head, and he whipped his head to Matthew, whose arms were limp by his side. Alfred went over and examined Matthew, who was still in a comatose state. He put his arm around Matthew, and drew in a long breath.

"Do you hate us, Dad?" Alfred asked.

Suddenly, a heavy sniffing occurred from the phone. Arthur sounded like he was starting to lose it. The heavy breathing from him did not help the melancholy state the twins were in at the moment. Some rummaging was heard, with glass and plastic vials being bumped into each other. Alfred put his head on Matthew's broad shoulder, and he rubbed Matthew's back as he started to smile sadly. A cabinet was thrown open, and then promptly shut.

"Alfred, Matthew?"

"Yeah?" they said in unison with an equally shaky voice as Arthur.

"The tea...that tea specifically...was store bought. I'm a complete fraud."

Matthew took the phone and shut his eyes as he gained composure in his soft voice. "Arthur, you're not a failure. We didn't have the perfect family, and we let our own political issues mess things up more, but this is more than that. All of the past has been forgiven. Otherwise, we wouldn't ever want to see you again. We're happy when we see you, whether you believe it or not. You don't have to be upset, because you held onto us and gave us what we needed and occasionally what we wanted. Despite all that you were going through, you still had time for us. Now, we're in some sort of club, and they are apparently very close-knit. One of them even calls himself the father of his little family. It reminded me a lot of us, in that we were so mismatched, and yet we didn't care. We had more to be worried about.

Alfred gently grasped the phone and leaned in towards Matthew's cheek were the phone was placed. "If this works out, then we might have found something more than just being a nation. We might have found a little family of our own. Without the kids, and that's an added bonus for the moment. So, Iggy, please stop moping. For every bad thing you tended to mess up, there was a thing-and-a-half you were good at. Do you want to hear about what happened today, and then you can give us the brand name and all that?"

Silence waved through the phone and the kitchen. A long sigh was heard over the phone, like a long burden had been wiped clean from the shoulder's of a repentant man. Alfred and Matthew leaned on each other. Finally, they looked at each other and smiled like madmen when they heard Arthur, in a much more controlled tone, speak.

"If I learned one thing, it ws to always used copper-bottom plates. Make sure you have those around."


	11. New Philosophies and Revalations

Matthew had to admit; he was always a fan of Arthur's pumpkin spice tea. Despite learning that it was an insincere take on the frothing liquid, Matthew had to appreciate Arthur's gusto at keeping the secret of his tea for so long. He was tempted to drop everything he was doing to go and hug the undoubtedly upset man. However, there was business to conduct, and if he and Alfred were to stay in the host club's good graces, they would have to keep working their immortal magic on the club.

Alfred and Matthew walked into the room, carrying silver trays of steaming tea, emanating with the soothing smell of pumpkin. Tamaki walked up to them, and bowed slightly at their presence.

"Wonderbar, gentleman. I, of course, will take the sacrifice of paving new ground in host club history." Tamaki said with a flick of his blonde hair. He tilted his head back and sipped the hot liquid. His eyes widened and he swallowed, letting the cup of tea clatter on the platter.

"Phenomenal, my darling sons. You have recreated the nectar of the gods." Tamaki walked away, humming to himself.

Matthew turned to Alfred, who licked his lips. "Why'd he call us son's?"

Matthew shrugged and put the platter down on a wooden table. They walked over to Haruhi, who was scribbling something in a notebook. Their shadows encroached on her writing space, and she looked up at them.

"Can I help you with something?" Haruhi asked.

"Are you a boy or girl?" Alfred asked.

Haruhi sighed and closed the book as she let the pencil drop to the pink cushion of the sofa. "I'm definitely a girl."

"You seemed like one." Matthew said.

"Are you saying I don't look like one?" Haruhi asked.

Matthew backed away from her; his hands stretched out in front of him. "No. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Haruhi smiled and chuckled softly. "Well, It was an honest mistake. Honestly, "i'm glad there's at least two people here that aren't idiots. Or maybe just one."

Alfred pointed at Haruhi. "Definitely. Heroes are smart and perceptive."

"Al, she was probably talking about Kyoya over there." Matthew said as he put his foot on Alfred's silencing the boisterous teenager.

Haruhi laughed. "No, you idiots. Forget it."

"Excuse me. I need to speak to Alfred and Matthew, Haruhi."

Kyoya emerged into Alfred's vision. He walked over to them; his laptop and friendly notebook in tow. He looked at them and gave them a quick smirk, before he cleared his throat. "Every year, the host club runs a school dance, and we need help with a theme for it. So, because you two are new, you need to come up with a theme for the dance and draw up a quick outline of what we need and the whole nine yards."

Alfred crossed his arms. "So, dude, when are we gonna need this by?"

"Tomorrow. The dance is on Friday, so we have the week to get ready."

Matthew bit his fingernail and laughed nervously. "Kyoya, we don't know a thing about dances."

"Any party I've gone to ended in a blackout." Alfred said with a chuckle.

Matthew elbowed Alfred in the gut. "He lived in a place with a lot of power outages."

Kyoya glared at the two before sinning around on his feet and walking away. "I want to see what you have before host club hours tomorrow. Make sure you also have an estimate of the budget. We aren't made out of money, you know."

* * *

><p>"Clowns, Mattie. Clowns are for any occasion."<p>

"For a five year old's birthday party. We need a real theme."

Alfred and Matthew were sitting at a bench in the park. The sleek metal bench sat next to a cobblestone walkway, which led to a bridge crossing over the placid lake. The lake had fountains spurting water into the lake, causing small ripples to cascade over the quiet surface. The tree behind the two shaded them from the late-afternoon sun, retiring for another cool, autumn night.

"Who invented clowns?" Alfred asked.

Matthew blinked and opened his mouth before closing it again. He stared at a woman jogging by him. His head followed her until she disappeared over the wooden bridge. "Why are you obsessed with clowns, now?

Alfred shrugged. "I only asked a question. Doesn't mean I'm obsessed."

"So, how about Salsa."

"We're throwing salsa at them?" Alfred asked as he adjusted himself to face Matthew. Matthew had no choice but to cover his face with his hands, shaking it as he sighed.

"Salsa is a type of Hispanic dance. Remember when we caught Arthur and France dancing in that hotel room?"

"I try to leave memories like that behind. Like footprints in the sand, or whatever Kiku said that one time."

Matthew stood up. He kicked the dirt around him, and started to shuffle his feet. He put one hand up in the air, and lowers another hand like he was caressing a woman. He moved one foot forward while hunching towards Alfred. He then changed sides, going side-to-side like a boat rocking in stormy waters.

"Harlem shake?" Alfred said.

Matthew sighed and dumped himself onto the hard bench. The wind lifted his long blonde hair, battering the cowlick that graced the side of his head. "You think we're doing the right thing?"

Alfred laughed. He took a saucer-shaped rock from the ground and flung it at the lake like a catapult shooting a cannonball at a castle wall. "We're saving the day, Mattie. They'd probably throw some lame ball or something. This is our shot at setting off the rocket and launching this thing into space. All we need to do is find the right match, or something like that. I ain't letting some rich guys suck the love away."

"I think the love is still there, Al. Anyway, we at least need a DJ or a live band. I don't think a full-blown orchestra is goi-."

"Sup, bopsy twins."

Matthew and Alfred shot their heads around and saw Haruhi Suzimiya with her hands on her hips. A girl with deep orange hair tapped her foot on the ground, her eyes shifting back and forth in a nervous tug that emanated towards the twins. The boy Alfred recognized as Kyon had his arms crossed behind him, a bored expression drawn on his long face.

"Drawing up plans? Glad you're so dedicated to the Brigade. Unfortunately, this joker here," Haruhi stuck her thumb out towards the girl behind her, causing the girl to jump up in surprise, "decided to get sick on purpose. So, she has to go home early. I wanted to make sure she got home safe, but Kyon wanted to be a stick in the mud again."

"You'd probably take her to the hospital with another of your stupid ideas." Kyon said.

Matthew waved at the girl behind Haruhi, giving her a soft smile before turning towards Haruhi. "Sad to say, Haruhi, but we're in charge of a dance at the school."

"Is there a charity gambling event there?" Haruhi asked.

Matthew and Alfred looked at each other. Alfred looked back at her and waved his hand. "Even though money is pouring out of their lockers, they're to young. Like yourself, of course."

Haruhi sighed as she walked past them. "It's a real shame. I always liked Blackjack. Kyon, you've played blackjack, right?" Haruhi turned towards the bored teenager behind her. "Sometimes, I like to mess with people and keep the jokers in the pile. People get so confused at any little thing that happens. I wish people would play along. When you guys get home, help yourself to the brownies Kyon wouldn't eat. They're special."

"They're probably illegal. That special thing is probably marijuana." Kyon said as the trio hopped away from the bench.

"I'm not that kind of girl. Now Yuki might have something on her..."

The three turned over the bridge and walked away, disappearing into the maze of cars and semi-trucks log jamming the criss-crossing roads. Alfred stared at them, his eyes narrowing in thought. Believe it or not, Alfred had usually been a perceptive person. He liked to figure out what was between the words of people, and he had a feeling that there was more to what Haruhi said then he thought. He rubbed his sky-blue eyes, and he looked at Matthew. Suddenly, he gasped and shot up to his feet. He took Matthew by his hand and lifted him up, throwing him over his shoulder and running down the path. Matthew started to beat on Alfred's back.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Dude, remember in the seventies when we hung around those nightclubs?" Alfred asked.

"We still do sometimes."

"Remember how much I loved Studio 54?

"In New York?"

"There are 54 cards in a deck, and Studio 54 was a special place. I know what the theme is going to be."

"Enlighten me before I throw up."

Alfred let Matthew fall off of his shoulder. He stumbled backwards and looked at Alfred. Alfred wore a huge smile, and pointed at Matthew like he was bird chirping in a circle around the quiet park, abundant with squirrels and skipping stones along the brown walkway were the joggers meet the soft brushstrokes of the grass around them. Alfred opened his mouth, and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Disco!"


	12. Wrap up Belt

Alfred walked out of the shop with a white blazer entrenched over a white button-down. A gold medallion oscillated over his slightly bare chest. The bell-bottoms dragged over cracked concrete. He wore purple, star-shaped sunglasses around his sleek, shining blonde-hair. He twirled on the concrete, and flicked his hair towards the street.

"Alright, Mattie. How about these for size." He picked at the red bell bottom jeans.

"You know that bell-bottoms are for females, Al?"

"Yeah, but they don't know that."

Matthew walked out of the store in a plaid green blazer, with matching pants that ran over his black penny loafers. He had a thick brown belt wrapped around his middle, with a bowling ball engraved into the large belt buckle in the front. Underneath the blazer, he had a black bow tie on with a green buttown-down shirt. The v-line plunged down to reveal a gold-chain necklace wrapped around his neck. Rawhide suspenders wrapped vertically around his frame, holding together the tight shirt and his pants.

"Just wait till they get here. They're gonna flip at how great we look."

Matthew sighed. "You speak some truth, yes."

A cavalcade of two sleek, black cars rounded the corner. They rumbled over to the curb where the two were standing. The cars lurched to a halt, and the entire host club leaped out of the cars, their eyes widened in shock. They looked at the two Tamaki almost fainted as he had to lean his back onto the car. Honey started to cry as he climbed onto Mori's shoulders. Haruhi stifled a giggle, and Hikaru and Kaoru pointed at the other twins and stammered.

"What the hell-." Hikaru said.

"Are you wearing?" Kaoru finished.

Alfred twirled around and puffed out the collar on his jacket. "Any guesses to what the theme is?"

"You're going for a burlesque?" Tamaki asked with his head hidden by his hands.

Alfred shook his head. "Psh. Dude, we're doing a disco theme. You've never heard of disco before?"

Tamaki nodded his head. He looked at Kyoya, who face-palmed. "You realize we have exactly three days to prepare for this."

Matthew turned to Alfred. He raised an eyebrow, and then he walked across the elephant-gray sidewalk. He shielded his eyes from the retiring sun, and took off his necklace. He tapped Tamaki on his shoulder, making him look up at him with reddening eyes. Matthew wrapped the necklace like a band-aid around his finger. He then draped the necklace around Tamaki's neck. The bottom of the necklace hung down past the collar of his school uniform.

"Looks great on you, dude. Imagine that in an all white suit." Alfred said with a quick wink.

Tamaki's face grew red, and he switched his line of sight to Haruhi, who was stomping out a giggle. He was just about to keel over and beg for Kyoya to forget the whole dance, but then he looked up with watery eyes at Matthew, who had planted his hand on his back, rubbing it in circles on his shirt. He sniffed loudly a few times, and then he brushed away the saline from his red eyes.

"Very well. We'll have a disco dance. Or just disco. Whatever it's called." Tamaki said as he buried his head in Kyoya's shoulder. Kyoya dusted him off of his shoulder, forcing him to take into consideration the blinding outfits Alfred and Matthew had worn. Hikaru and Kaoru walked up to Tamaki and leaned on his shoulder, leaning in on the distraught host.

"It's okay, boss." Hikaru said.

"After all, everyone loves disco." Kaoru finished.

Alfred twirled around and winked at the host club. "So, who wants to be seventy-ized first?"

"Takshi, are the mean new kids gonna make us ugly, too." Honey said with a sad frown. Mori nodded his head and started humming to himself.

"Takashi, are you humming a song?" Honey asked.

Mori grunted his acknowledgement.

Alfred grinned as he sauntered up to the tall senior. "I know that song. 'Boogie Oogie Oogie', right?"

Mori gave a ghost of a grin and nodded. Alfred walked closer to Mori, and then he narrowed his eyes at him. Alfred pointed a finger at him, and started to sing.

Matthew cleared his throat as he walked over to Haruhi. "So, are you going to wear the bell bottoms? You are the only girl, after all."

Haruhi smiled as she shook her head. "Usually, they try to hide all of that. They make me out to be some sort of...tomgirl, if you will."

"I knew somebody that was in a phase like that, too."

"Was he American? Or Canadian?"

"Italian. You know how flighty they are."

Alfred kept singing at the top of his lungs. The host club grimaced and slapped their hands onto their ears as the sun continued to set onto the cool Japanese dusk. The small thrift shop windows gleamed with window polisher and discount stickers, showing of the various knick-knacks offered within the novelty store. Matthew reached over while wrapping his arms around his twin and squeezing him like a ball of Play-Doh, forcing his incessant screeching to devolve into a forced squealing, and finally, a dead whimper. Alfred sighed as he relaxed into Matthew's strong arms, and then he turned to face him.

"Let me go." Alfred said.

"Not until you stop screaming, you ape." Hikaru shouted.

"I'm the one holding him. Now stop it, Alfred." Matthew said.

"You don't get it. I'm bringing back the art of mating. It's what brought the girls in all the time back in the seve-." Alfred grimaced as Matthew tightened the sqeeze between them."

"What are you talking about? We didn't exist back then." Matthew said, squeezing him again. Then, he lowered his lips to Alfred's ear. "You're gonna tell them the secret."

Alfred wrestled himself out of Matthew's arms. He starightened his hair while looking up at the cowlick protruding from his head. He breathed a long sigh of relief. The rest of the host club continued to eyeball the pair, making Alfred and Matthew grow a watery smile on their blushing faces. An air of discomfort rested over the cracked sidewalk between the twins and the host club, who leaned in towards the uncomfortable pair.

"What are you all looking at. You act like you saw a ghost. This happens all the time between me and Mattie." Alfred said while waving away the odd air of embarrassment.

"You normally tackle each other after spontaneously singing?" Kyoya asked while raising his eyebrows.

"It was a bear hug. Speaking of which, I'm sure there's a nice fur coat with your name on it, Haruhi." Alfred pointed at the girl with short brown hair.

Haruhi sighed as she plunked her shoulders down. "Rich bastards. I thought I was getting away with it."

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about the wait. If you have any further ideas, suggestions, comments, or concerns, let me know. Thank you!<strong>


	13. Burning Questions and Popcorn

The main ballroom in Ouran Academy was akin to an old dance hall ballroom in the early 1900's; drenched in both the elegance of the American Roarin' 20's and the sophisticated beauty of a Western European castle entrance. The tall glass chandelier imposed the presence of the sleek rose ceiling supporting it from the weight of gravity. The marble ivory floor held the crisp sheen of wax that made the floor reflect the decadent white lighting that illuminated the entire ballroom. As men in white and brown uniforms scrubbed the crystalline wall-arching windows from the outside, the smell of crisp-cut white roses and thawed shrimp bathing in marinara sauce swirled around the ballroom like the leaves outside dancing in the breeze. The dreamy guitar riff from "Band On The Run" simmered through the large speakers behind the DJ turntables and joined in the conversation with the buzz of furniture moving and floor polishing.

Hikaru Hitachiin was not impressed bu the whole affair, frowning in a brown jacket with a half-buttoned white undershirt topped with a puffed up collar. Despite appearing to be equal in emotion and thought, he and his twin, Kaoru differed in several ways. For instance, while Hikaru was lamenting, Kaoru (in an identical costume) was glowing as he ate up the hustle and bustle of the preparations like Haruhi snacking on the delicious tuna packed away behind one of the long food white-linen dressed tables. Hikaru stared at a group of electricians hovering around a long addition to the marble floor: a fully-illuminated dance floor with alternating colored tiles.

"Hikaru, why don't you come over and play with this old microwave? See? I'm making commoner popcorn." Hikaru turned his head to spot Tamaki staring into the metallic box as the popcorn bag spun on the slow-rotating plate inside. Suddenly, the bag popped, but the back of the microwave shot out a loud spark. The microwave was consumed by a small tower of fire. Tamaki jumped back and fell to the floor. He shrieked like an young child watching a horror movie as he pointed at the fire, which started to spread to the table dressing underneath it. Tamaki flapped his arms in the sky like an eagle, alerting everybody in all of Japan the terrifying tragedy ready to take place.

As Hikaru started to run towards the fire, Mori appeared like a mirage with a fire extinguisher. He pointed the tense hose at the microwave and pushed down on the top valve, making oxygen repellent foam explode out of the apparatus. The stream wages a war with the fire in mid-air, striking down the flames like a bowling ball destroying a set of pins. Eventually, the charred and smoke stained wall and table remain from the battle, with only the small trail of smoke emmiting itself from the microwave.

"Holy shit, Tamaki! What the stupid fucking shit did you get into now?" Kyoya shouts as he runs over. The music is stopped by one of the electrical workers who rushes to the scene.

"Kyo-chan! Why'd you say such bad words?" Honey sniffles as he hides behind Mori, who drops the extinguisher with a hollow clank.

"Yeah, dude. Didn't know you spoke like that." Alfred said as he and Matthew rushed over from the large mirror ball at the entrance of the hall.

"Why the fuck would you care?" Kyoya points at Alfred. Then, he reaches down to Tamaki. "You stupid idiot. How the hell did this shit happen?"

Tamaki is on the precipice of tears as Kyoya helps him to his shaky feet, wobbling like the Japanese flag outside on the flagpole. "Mommy, those evil American appliances tried to kill me."

"Whoa, dude. Those appliances are vintage seventies." Alfred said as he pointed at the destroyed microwave.

"Can you all please stop yelling? My ears are sensitive." Matthew said.

"Don't you fucking start with me. This idiot needs to get to the hospital." Kyoya said as he pulled out his cell phone.

"The boss is fine. Relax. He just needs some water and Xanax, and he'll be good." Hikaru said as Kaoru walked next to him.

"And stop cursing so much. Since when do you speak like that?" Kaoru added.

"Since Tamaki tried to get himself killed. I can't help if I talk like a fucking sailor during some stupid bullshit our leader decides to put us through." Kyoya shouts.

Tamaki starts to move forward as Kyoya takes his arm and wraps it over his shoulders. They start to hobble away to the other side of the room, where a punch bowl with ice awaits them. A worker gets Kyoya a soaked rag, and Kyoya nods at him as he presses it onto Tamaki's reddened forehead. The rest of the host club watched them from the other side of the room. Honey had started whining as Mori picked him up and took him out of the room, carreful to not hit the large mirror ball abandoned at the door. Hikaru and Kaoru sighed and leaned on Haruhi. Alfred and Matthew stared at Kyoya, who was chastising Tamaki as he sat limp on the seat.

Matthew turned to Alfred. "Those microwaves were dangerous."

Alfred narrowed his eyes as he tilted his head. "They worked fine back in the day."

"They dried up all the chicken, anyway." Matthew said as he shook his head.

The Hitachiin twins saw this exchange, and the faced Alfred. "This was you're idea, wasn't it." They said in unison.

"Who else are you gonna try and kill today?" Hikaru said.

Alfred backed up and put his hands out in front of himself. "Calm down dudes, nothing happened. Kyoya was just overreacting."

Relax, you two. They didn't do anything." Haruhi said as she wrapped her arms around the twins and pulled her in a tight grip. They stopped struggling when Hikaru pointed at the Alfred.

"You better watch out, Alfred. I mean Matthew. Whoever the hell you are. You're on Hitachiin probation, now."

Kaoru frowned and turned to his twin. "Hikaru, Hitachiin probation isn't necessary. I doubt they were snuffing Tono."

"Exactly. Dude has it right. I mean, lets just act like this never happened." Alfred said as Matthew moved next to him.

"We can't erase what we saw." Hikaru said.

"Okay, Hikaru. Then just pretend you got stuck in some other reality and forget about it." Haruhi said.

"Now you're listening to that crackpot teacher from science? Give me a break."

Alfred was puzzled as he whipped his head towards Tamaki, who was crying at the near disaster. "Are you talking about time-traveling or something."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Our science teacher talked to us today about multiverses. Hikaru complained about it during all of lunch."

"It doesn't change anything. Anything, we're getting off topic." Hikaru shouted.

"You know, Hikaru, there's a universe where you never said that sentence." Kaoru said with a small grin.

"Kaoru, listen to yourself. They almost blew up the building." Hikaru said.

Matthew joined in. "Maybe there's a universe where the building actually did blow up from that." He said.

"Stop it." Hikaru yelled as Haruhi kept holding him in her clutches. "This reality has a microwave that exploded. That's all that matters right now."

"I must say though," Haruhi said as she looked at the ceiling. "I wonder how different things would be with one that change."

Hikaru looked at Haruhi and frowned at her. A small wall of silence built between them as Hikaru examined her. "What do you mean?" He said.

"Imagine if the only thing different in other universes was that one thing. If the microwave did blow up the building, there must be a universe were we would still be okay, and the building was still generally unharmed. So, what if our lives played out exactly the same as now?"

"So, you're saying that even if an event is changed, there's a universe were things would still end up the same way?" Kaoru asked.

"Even the smallest things. I mean, there must be a universe where the word...'apple' doesn't exist. Yet, everything else in our life would end up the same way as however it will now." Matthew added.

"Point is, dude is that you shouldn't hate me for this. Anyway, I was this close to getting to him before tall, dark, and handsome. I could mope around, but he's alright. In another universe, at least I get to be the hero." Alfred said with a wink

"Think, Hikaru. There's another universe where you kill Alfred for this." Kaoru said with a smile.

Hikaru frowned and looked down at the ground. He clenched and unclenched his hands a few times before he took a long breath. The strong smell of smoke permeated inside his lungs, and he started to walk away from the small group. As he reached the door, he turned around to face them in front of the microwave.

"In another universe, I'm not as forgiving." Hikaru said as he exited the room, mumbling to himself.

Haruhi smiled as he whipped his head towards Matthew and Alfred. "Thanks for playing along, you two."

"He's just had a lot on his mind, recently. I think he feels a little threatened by you two." Kaoru said.

Matthew wiped his glasses as he cleared his dry throat. "Why would he think that."

"Me and Hikaru have been in very ritzy settings for a long time," Kaoru said. "We've always been a little closed off. Lately, we've gotten out of a bit of a rut, and I guess Hikaru's worried about falling back into it. He's not a fan of change. I remember when I decided to sleep on the left side of the bed once, and he decided to just sleep on the floor next to me in protest."

"Wait, you two slee-." Alfred said.

"So why aren't you two threatened." Matthew interrupted.

"I can't speak for Haruhi, but I've always had a bit of a dreamer streak. I look out for new things that come up, and I guess I just have good vibes from you two. I've barely known you two for a week, but I really doubt you two would try to hurt anyone. I wouldn't mind some new things once in a while, because it's easy to be bored when you're me and Hikaru, and that quickly leads to being lonely. I doubt anyone likes that."

"I'm just not as picky as these stuck up jerks, so I try not to judge as fast as other people. I've been here for only a little bit anyway, so I couldn't be selective even if I wanted to." Haruhi said.

Alfred put his arm around Matthew's shoulder and gave the two Hosts a thumbs up. "Cool, host-mates. Did you believe all that stuff about multiverses?"

Haruhi and Kaoru looked at each other. Haruhi shook her head and returned to her tuna. Kaoru smiled at Matthew and Alfred as he spun on his black penny loafers. "Let's just finish set-up before Kyoya brings in any doctors or officers. You know he owns his own security force."

"He does?" Matthew asked softly.

"Yup. As you can see, he overreacts to anything having to do with Tono, so try to use things approves in this century, please?" Kaoru asked with a grin.

* * *

><p><strong>Here's another chapter. Get ready for the dance! Awesome beards, mustaches, or hairdos necessary. Please review. I need them for inspiration. <strong>


	14. The Rebirth Of Disco

Yellow light and a heavy bass vibration cut through the crystalline bay windows and shook the floor, making Matthew's feet style inside his own black shoes. Wearing the same outfit as he did at the thrift shop, he adjusted his necklace an centered it on his slightly open chest while he peeked around the corner. He looked down the enormous foyer and tumbled his vision down the velvet and marble staircase towards the rainbow palate of colors flickering on the dance floor. He sighed while he shifted his eyes to the shuffling Host Club behind him

Tamaki was combing his white blazer and pants with a lint roller. Kyoya was wearing a long fur coat with a loose tie-die shirt and jeans (he didn't want to tell him that the outfit was more 60's than 70's). Honey had a lilac suit with his feet donning platform shoes. Mori wore a simple black sports coat with a button down white shirt and ruffles. They looked ridiculous, and Matthew could not deny that. Then again, his memories if the seductive seventies had faded slightly. Most of that was because of the long sleepless and drug-fueled nights eating complimentary pretzels and brushing out lit joints in tobacco stained ashtrays. It's no secret that nations have a certain era of excitement, or a rebellious phase. Matthew and Alfred went flat out wild during that forgone decade. Matthew was not particularly excited to dredge up any of those memories with this dance, but he had to admit that he had a mountain of fun.

"Alright, host mates. Are we ready?" Alfred said as he patted Matthew's shoulder. "We will be in a second. The rest of the guests are piling in, so we have to wait to collect the admission." Kyoya said as he pointed out towards the stairs.

Sure enough, streams of ornately dressed students flushed from outside into the giant ballroom. Haruhi, dressed in a purple suit with a yellow undershirt and puffed up collar wrapped around her neck, stared at the large crowd, and let out a long breath. "I think the tuna is getting dry."

Kyoya gripped his head and growled out. "Fine. Go ahead and eat all the tuna, Haruhi. Waste away all the plans because you wanted tuna." He said loudly.

"Kyoya, stop talking to my daughter like that. She can't help if she's been under culinary negligence her whole life." Tamaki said as he rushed to hug Haruhi. Haruhi stepped aside, and he crashed into Alfred, who body checked him. Tamaki tumbled onto the ground.

"Sorry. It's really dark up here." Alfred wrapped his arms around Tamaki and lifted him up.

Tamaki straightened the wrinkles canvassed on his suit. "Very well. Kyoya, let's get this show on the road."

"With apathy, your majesty." Kyoya rolled his eyes and ushered the Host Club towards the stairs. The entire club moved towards the stairs. Matthew put his arm up to make a shadow over his eyes. The lights were blinding. Not only were the chandeliers lit, but various spotlights also pointed light down at the floor and at them. The essence of punch and rich tuna dipped in cool marinara sauce floated around the room. The crowd in front if them clapped, with some girls squealing in excitement. Euphoric chatter built up across the room, as the club went down to the floor. Tamaki stepped up to a microphone on a stand, and he switched it on.

"Hello beautiful darlings and handsome gentleman. Welcome to another dance, hosted by who else? Your host club." Tamaki paused as clapping filled the silence. "We want to thank all that have helped us, and we give a special thanks to our newest members, Alfred and Matthew." Tamaki pointed at the twins. Alfred blew out a quick kiss while Matthew gave a shaky grin. The spotlight beamed down at them, and the crowd cheered louder. "Now I hate to be cliched, but I've been that way for so long. So, without further ado, let's get this party started. Play the music, MC Akio." Tamaki looked over to the large speakers, where a DJ with honey brown hair with some strands poking up sat behind turntables. He grinned as he flipped a switch and pulled one side of a headphone to his ear. Suddenly, the lights on the dance floor flickered faster as the other lights dimmed, leaving a neon glow to circle the room. The records on the turntable began spinning, forcing the speakers to let out the heavy bass and guitar sounds of funk and disco to escape into the ballroom. Like a flash mob, the people on the square dance floor began hopping up and down like dancing tuna.

Speaking of which, the host club had already joined the party. Haruhi dispersed to the long tables of food on the side of the ballroom. Honey and Mori walked over to a group of girls just off the floor with the girls fawning over them. Hikaru and Kaoru rushed over to Haruhi, who took another bite of her coveted tuna. They took each of her arms into their own, locking them together like a prison cell. Haruhi screamed as the twins dragged her onto the dance floor, bouncing her around between each other. Alfred had already searched out one of the girls from his first host club session, and started shimmying in front of her, causing the girl to laugh. As Matthew awkwardly shuffled in the middle of the crowd, a finger poked on his shoulder. He turned around, and he saw the chestnut-haired girl from his earlier session.

"Hey, looking for me?" The girl said.

Matthew grinned politely. "I was hoping you didn't abandon me for someone else."

The girl sauntered in closer. "Why would I let a catch like you go away?" The girl said with a terse chuckle.

If the lights weren't already red, Matthew's face would reveal reddened cheeks as he chuckled along with her. "I guess so." The brown haired girl sashayed her hips in a circular motion as she twirled around like a falling rocket. Matthew continues to shuffle left and right, occasionally springing lightly on his tiptoes.

"Did you actually decide on this?" The girl shouted.

Matthew nodded. "We did this in about three days. I don't know where they got half the things here on short notice."

"Whaddya expect? We go to Ouran. The world's our oyster!" The girl said as she twirled around again.

Tamaki, meanwhile, was panting at the punch table. He wiped a small trail of sweat away from his brow as he chugged down the buzzy punch that stung slightly as he drained the glass. Kaoru walked over to him, leaving Hikaru to handle the gaggle of girls and jealous boys trying to rope in their dates.

"Hey, boss. What's up?" He said.

Tamaki wiped his mouth of any residue. "I appreciate the commoners punch, but it taste like throw-up. We should have gotten that thing-aids instead."

"Cool-Aid?"

"You're a smart cookie, Kaoru." Tamaki said with a small stutter.

"You almost drank half that bowl. How'd you get so thirsty?"

"The dancing. But it seems that the more I drink this, the more I need. It's like French fries." Kaoru frowned while he patted Tamaki on the back. The two stayed in silence for a good two minutes, letting the music segue into "Boogie Nights" by Heatwave. Tamaki continued to chug on, a grin growing on his face as he regained his energy. Kaoru tuned to him, and pushed him towards the stage.

"Get back out there, boss."

Tamaki smiled like a madman and he sprung back onto the dance floor. He jumped into the air like a madman, and moved around the floor like a drugged cow. The girls around him clapped to the beat while Tamaki contorted an twisted his body, flailing his arms while moving his butt up and down in a fast motion. Kyoya grimaced as he ran over to him.

"Well, this isn't very princely, is it Tamaki?" Kyoya said with a small smirk.

"I can't...stop...twerking, Kyoya. Help me stop." Tamaki shouted as the people around him cheered. Kyoya looked at him with his mouth agape.

"How do you know what that is?"

"Your suggested video list on YouTube." Tamaki said as he went down to the ground and spun on his back, legs crossed in the air as he used his vertebrae as a spinning top.

On the other side of the floor, Alfred was next to the DJ. He shuffled his way towards the DJ, and he cracked down a twenty dollar bill on the turntable, causing the DJ to lean back in surprise.

"I need a slow song for my brother. Give me something."

"That's American." DJ Akio said as he pointed at the bill.

"Are you gonna play one, or not?"

"Is that conterfeit?"

Alfred threw his hands up. "Do you know what school this is? Ouran isn't for joe schmoes."

The MC stared at Alfred, raising his eyebrows before touching the American currency. "I'd rather you buy something for me."

"Fine. What is it?" Alfred said with a all bite of annoyance.

"My daughter really wants a stuffed dango for her birthday in a couple of months. I know they sell some at some special conventions or whatever it's called in America. I need you to contact somebody and get that set up for me. I'll give you my address later. It's a bakery."

"Fine. Just play 'Don't Dream It's Over' by Crowded House. I know it's not seventies, but you can play a slow seventies one later."

"The paper never said seventies. It just said disco."

"When was the last time you heard disco not from the seventies?" The MC clipped off the music, leaving a surprised crowed while Tamaki froze on his back on the floor.

"Special request, ladies and gentleman. Get your slow jam on, because we have one for you." The song started playing, leaving male dates scrambling for their socializing girlfriends. The host club scattered around the dance floor. Mori and Honey both grabbed a taller girl with black hair, who covered the smile she wore. Hikaru and Kaoru crept up on Haruhi, shuffling behind her and spinning her by her shoulders.

"Which one-." Hikaru said.

"Do you wanna dance with first." Kaoru finished. Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Grow up, you two." Haruhi reached into one of her pockets. She pulled out a silver yen, and placed it on top of her thumb as she clenched her hand into a fist. She flicked it up, and she let it fall towards the ground. She peeked at it, and looked back up at them. The coin fell onto a piece of gum plopped onto the floor, causing it to Stand up on the edge.

"I guess we can share." The twins said with a shrug from both of them. Haruhi sighed as Hikaru took her hand first and led her to the dance floor. Kaoru sighed when he walked backwards and leaned on the table. Seeing nothing better to do while he waited his turn, he turned to the punch bowl and yanked out a glass from the small tower of shimmering transparent crystal. He dunked the glass in, and he took a sip. Suddenly, his eyes shot open, and he coughed up the punch.

"This has vodka in it." Kaoru said to himself as he ran towards Hikaru and Haruhi.

As the smooth and soft song kept playing, Matthew and the other girl slowly shuffled with each other. The girl was grinning the whole time, while Matthew gave a small smile once in a while. "I really don't want to be rude, but I never got your name." Matthew said softly.

"Don't be shy. I'm Emiko." She said.

"Emiko. That rolls off the tongue." Matthew said. Emiko scoffed.

"It's alright. Anyway, where's you learn to dance? I like this."

"I went to a lot of fancy places when I was younger." Matthew said in a soft tone. Emiko giggled. "You know, there's a janitors closet up those stairs and to the left. We am sneak around to the fire escape stairs if you're to embarrassed."

Matthew froze. "And what are you planning there?" The couple paused into a state of silence. They both stared at each other. Emiko put her hand on his chest. She leaned forward, and got on her tiptoes. The world shifted sideways for Matthew, who started to breathe faster. His heart was hammering through his run age and threatening to leap out of his body and escape to a safer place. Emiko closed her eyes as she took a hand and placed it on Matthew's neck.

"Mattie. We have a real problem." Matthew turned around to see the Alfred with the Hitachiin twins and Haruhi. Emiko planted herself back onto the floor, huffing at herself and crossing her arms.

"Look over at Tamaki." Alfred pointed towards the host club prince, and Matthew leapt up in shock. Tamaki was forcing himself on a girl, locking lips and wrapping his tongue around hers. He even started to grind ever-so-slightly on the girls smaller frame.

"At least the girls enjoying it." Hikaru said with a smile. Haruhi smacked him on the back of the head. "Idiots. Someone snuck vodka into the punch. We need to get Tamaki out of here. Then come back like nothing happened."

The group nodded and started to file over towards the uncontrolled host. However, Matthew was walking with them when a small hand yanked his shoulder back and caused him to spin backwards. As he gasped in surprise, his mouth was covered by another. Emiko reached up and planted her lips onto his, making sure to give him a rousing spectacle of the situation. She pulled back, a large smile on her face when she turned around to walk away.

"That's a sample for some other time." The girl winked as she turned her head away. Matthew's face grew a tomato-red as he spun on his feet and clamored towards the group rushing to Tamaki.

Tamaki, who was just about having intimate relations with a girl on the dance floor, was yanked backwards by Hikaru, who stepped forward to take his place with the girl, distracting her from Tamaki's behavior. Alfred and Matthew pushed him towards the stairs, making Tamaki stumble forward multiple times. Haruhi groaned before she moved behind the blonde-haired teenager and wrapped an arm around his back, supporting him from the irresistible force of gravity.

"You idiots. It was love at first sight. You stole it from me." Tamaki said before he turned to the floor and shouted. "Hold on, babe. I'm coming back." Alfred and Matthew ushered him around the corner, while Haruhi kept him from stumbling over his own feet. The rest of the patrons at the dance seemed oblivious with the exception of the host club. Honey and Mori excused themselves as the made their way to the staircase, and Kyoya growled as he raced up the stairs like a champion runner.

Meanwhile, DJ Akio stopped the music and laughed in triumph. "Sorry, everybody. But this is proof that disco is still around. 'Treasure' by Bruno Mars. Turn up."

* * *

><p><strong>Please leave reviews and comments. It takes so little time, but brings people so much more than you would think. Thank you wry much, and don't be afraid to tell your friends about the story. Let's make this big!<strong>


	15. Afterparty At Dr Drew's Rehab Clinic

The sounds of the heavy bass shaking the chandeliers in the hallway drowned out the incessant chatter occurring around the hallway. Tamaki stumbled onto the beige wall and stifled a laugh. Alfred and Matthew held him up as he started to sing.

"If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch ain't one. Hit me!" Tamaki lept in the air and threw his arm down as he slammed on his air guitar. He lost his balance, and like a weak sapling in a hurricane, he tumbled to the ground once again, letting out a soft groan as he rolled over and interlocked his hands behind his head.

"Doesn't that fan look interesting, Kyoya? Why'd they put that there, because it really pisses me off." Tamaki said with a soft smile.

Kyoya looked on at the French bane of his existence. He wanted to punch Tamaki in the stomach and tell him to snap out of it. However, he had experience when it came to these matters. He felt it would be better to find the culprit of the incident, but he had to make sure Tamaki didn't dry hump another patron of the dance again.

Haruhi looked on with surprise, yet was somehow nonchalant about the whole situation. She was disapproving, of course. However, if her senpai was going to get accidentally drunk and the club would help him out, she saw no reason six or seven people needed to tend to him. Haruhi took a quick peek around the corner of the hallway. The dance floor was still fully illuminated. The jumping of the dancers transmitted vibrations around the entire building. Haruhi wouldn't have been surprised if the windows around the school shattered into a waterfall of shards. Nevertheless, she turned her attention back to the drunk host, who was still admiring (or chastising) the ceiling.

Matthew looked down at Tamaki. He and Alfred were definitely used to this picture below them. Arthur and Francis had many drinking contests back in Arthur's heyday (at least that's what Alfred called it). It was somewhat twisted that Alfred had to help Arthur back to his bed, applying a cold rag on his head and a couple of aspirins on the dresser next to his wool bed. Matthew was glad he didn't have to deal with that, mostly because Francis, even though he loved him, disappeared once in a while during those nights. Regardless, Matthew was still starting to sweat as he was crushed by the heat pilfering out of the air conditioning units. He turned to Alfred, who wore a rare stern expression on his face while looking down at Tamaki. Alfred was undoubtedly thinking about the past situations he had to deal with, and he felt a sudden aura of frustration glowing from him.

"So dudes, let's get him out of here." Alfred said.

"Let's just let him lay here. He isn't bothering anybody anymore." Hikaru said.

Kyoya turned to Hikaru and pointed at him while trudging towards him. "You morons. Of course he's hurting someone. This entire club is going down of they realize we're serving alcohol."

"Isn't it still out there?" Haruhi asked.

Kyoya just about gagged on his own spit as the collective club gasped. Tamaki mocked them, making an exagerrated gasp before collapsing into fits of chuckles.

Honey started to cry. "Takashi, are we gonna get kicked out?"

Kaoru pushed Hikaru in front of him towards the epicenter of the loud music. "Come on, let's get this stupid vodka."

The twins left while Matthew and Alfred hoisted Tamaki back up. He barely held himself together from vomiting, and he chuckled again. "Kyoya, why don't you and I share some of that vodka."

"Kyoya took a step forward and got right up to Tamaki's smirking face. "I've had enough of you. We're locking you in the club room until you pass out."

"But Kyoya," Tamaki pouted. "I need a drinking buddy, and those twins are too pure to join in on our tradition."

"Tradition? What's going on, Kyoya-sempai." Haruhi said with a hardened look.

Takashi clenched his fist. "Are you two up to something?" he said.

Kyoya's eyes widened as Takashi spoke. He stammered for a few seconds. "He's just being an idiot as usual. Except drunk. Now, let's ge-."

"I'm sure your father wouldn't mind sharing a sho-."

The host club froze in an atmopshere of silence after Kyoya smacked Tamaki on the right cheek. Tamaki fell, and Kyoya climbed onto him, letting out a heavy roar, then unleashing a barrage of quick hits to Tamaki's stomach and face. Tamaki shouted in pain, and Kyoya started to smirk at his agony. Kyoya suddenly felt the air in his stomach fly out. Mori had darted to Kyoya and kicked him in the stomach, causing his outburst to halt. Tamaki started to cry as his nerves screamed in aching pain. Kyoya's eyes reddened as he clutched his hurt middle.

"Kyoya, I just want you to like me." Tamaki said as he rolled onto his side, letting out a few more sniffles.

Alfred went up to Kyoya and looked down at him. Kyoya was now on his knees, still grappling for air. "Why'd you do that, Kyoya? This isn't his fault. You're supposed to help people when their like this. That's what heroes do."

"Why-why are talking about heroes now? You don't know a thing."

Alfred kneeled down next to Kyoya. "You better hope Tamaki doesn't remember, because if he does, I'm not gonna help you from what he'll do."

"You act like your so high and mighty, don't you Kyoya?" Kyoya's eyes widened as he looked up at Honey, dropping his trademar "chan" ending to his name. "You can't hurt my friends, right Matt-chan?"

Matthew stared at Kyoya, who was still gasping. Then, his eyes scanned Tamaki, whose whines started to die down. Alfred's blue eyes locked onto Matthew's and they both nodded at each other.

"I think we should get these two out of here. I don't want anymore fighting, because that's not what this is about. I think there's something else her, but they need to figure it out by themselves. Right, Kyoya?"

Kyoya was still as he nodded his head in agreement with his back still facing Matthew. He thrustednhimself through the alcohol drenched air. Feeling lightheaded, he stumbled away from the host club and disappeared around the corner. Honey and Mori kneeled down at Tamaki, who had effectively passed out. Matthew and Alfred stood there, watching as the music crescendoed into a thumping flurry of bass hits, and the elated cheers of the ball patrons oblivious of the debacle above.

* * *

><p>The park at night was a quiet oasis of solitude and a soft rainfall of whispering leaves as they tumble towards the tickling grass. The chirping crickets bounced of the thin trunks of the waving cherry blossoms in the gentle autumn breeze. On the wooden park bench by the sidewalk cutting through the center of the area, Alfred and Matthew sat in their baby blue blazers, both with their heads resting on a hand. The silence between them conjoined them in deep, translucent thought. The fragrance of wet grass rose from underneath them, accompanying the long sighs Matthew made.<p>

"Matt, these dudes need help."

Matthew turned and met Alfred's pale blue eyes. "We've dealt with worse."

"Not real problems, though. It didn't matter if Arthur always came home drunk or Francis was humping anything that walks. It didn't matter if we shot each other, because it would be okay. These people have one shot at this for their whole lives, and I feel responsible for it."

"You don't have to play hero. Let those bozos deal with it."

Alfred laughed. "Angry much."

"I'm not angry. You know I'm not like that. How are we gonna deal with this. Monday is gonna be an odd day if nothing changes."

"We can go to one of their houses. Check up on them."

Matthew sighed as he stood up. He hugged on his glasses and then rubbed his shirt on it to clean them. "We should probably let it play out. I'm not trying to be lazy or anything, but it's been a long week. We should get a day or two off."

Alfred stood up and nodded his head. They began to walk towards the edge of the park, crawling towards the gates like the millipede wrapped around one of the fern leaves. "I doubt that. Haruhi will probably bother us."

"Suzimiya?"

Alfred stayed in silence. Matthew out his hands in his pockets as he lowered his gaze to the ground.

Inside the house, the twins walked towards the kitchen, where Haruhi was eating a large rice ball. Her face lit up at the sight of Alfred and Matthew. She wiped her mouth with a napkin and forced the food down her throat. "Sup, boys. Gotta job for you."

"Hey, Haruhi. Can we go to sleep. It's late, and a lot happened to us."

"Those drama queens are always starting stuff at Ouran, aren't they? Anyway, I need your help with this project I'm doing." Haruhi motioned to the two stools in front of her. The twins walked forward and slid into the seats.

"Do you have anymore of those? We haven't eaten for a while." Alfred said.

"Sorry. I only made one."

"I'm sure you have rice, though. Right? I'll just get some and use the rice cooker. It'll be done in-."

Haruhi slammed her hands on the counter. Matthew and Alfred hopped off their chairs in surprise. "How dare you. You think my ancestors had rice cookers? You think they just ran over to the store and picked up some stuff so they could throw it in a microwave. No, they hunted. They were warriors. I don't even use a coffee maker. You saw that coffee earlier today. That was by hand. So don't tell me I don't do thing-."

"Please relax, Miss. We're running on very little right now." Matthew said. He reached over and placed his hand on Haruhi's. She was taken aback. Who did this guy think he was, putting his hand on hers. For some reason, however, she decided the battle wasn't worth the blood. She slowly moved her hand away.

"I'll drop it. Although, you two owe me something. So, as you already know, I'm a heavy believer in the arts. You might have heard of a movie that I made a few months back." Haruhi looked at the twins, who simply stared at her.

She waved her hands like she was swatting away a fly. "Forget it. You'll see it later. Anyway, now that I have foreign talent here (being from Canada slash America, I'm sure you know a thing or two about filmmaking), I've decided to pick up the hobby again for another sci-fi, rom-com, action adventure romp. Tomorrow, you need to meet me at the park in town at ten o'clock. Well start shooting, I'll give you your roles, and there's one more thing I need you to do."

"Sure. What is it?" Alfred said, perking up slightly.

"I think it's time we introduce our newest seven members of SOS Brigade to the herd." Haruhi said with a smile that threatened to stretch past her skin.

Matthew now knew how Tamaki probably felt right now. It took all he could muster to not pass out from shock.

* * *

><p><p>

**As alway, please review. It's so important, and it could be your good deed for the day. There's no reason to not review, so please do it!**


	16. Hangover And The Cure

Alfred and Matthew knocked on the front door. The white mansion loomed over them, casting a shadow over the twins. The marble pillars held up the large white balcony overhead.

A wrinkled woman in a purple dress opened the door. Can I help you gentleman?"

Alfred cleared his throat. "We're here to see Tamaki."

The lady shook her head and gave a small smile. "I'm sorry, but he is sick today."

Just as the lady started to close the door, Matthew jabbed his hand on it and yanked it open. "We're from the Host Club.

"Well, why didn't you say so. Come in." The woman opened the door.

They walked inside. The large foyer had white marble steps leading towards another pair of stairs leading up to the next floor. LArge portraits of Tamaki and a few othe rpeople plastered the wall, and stone statuettes rested on glass podiums on the sides of the room. Two large hallways were carved into the sides of the room, and a purple carpet led up the stairs, climbing over it like a slinky. Matthew and Alfred followed the lady up the stairs, and they walked down a hallway until they reached the last room on the left of the hallway.

"I'll leave you to him. Please don't speak loud."

Alfred grinned as he put his hand on the cool gold handle.

The white door opened. Matthew and Alfred walked into the room. The mahogany fan was spinning overhead, making vibrations on the white ceiling reverberate down towards the satin floor. Large paintings of the host club members hung on the wall. However, it appeared that some graffiti had appeared on the twins paintings. Matthew stared at them before switching his gaze towards the far end of the portrait row, and caught a nasty sight. The farm holding Kyoya's image was completely torn down the middle. It appeared that a knife ha slashed small crosses over Kyoya's face. A few splatters of paint were flung against it, making a putrid mixture of oranges, greens, and reds cascade down the top of the portrait. The gold lining around the canvas had been cut and partly splintered off from the blade.

The rest of the room looked a little disheveled as well. His Ouran jacket was hung over the inside of a white baby grand piano. Two tall wood lamps were tipped over onto a mahogany desk. The pencils, sharpeners, and papers were cluttered in the floor. Tamaki had his head buried in his pillow, his arms hooked underneath the white marshmallow.

"Tamaki, are you awake?" Alfred asked.

"Tamaki grunted as he snapped his head towards the boisterous noise. He took a few long breaths, staring at the twins. Matthew started to bite his fingernails.

"We need you to go somewhere with us. I can help with your head. I have some aspirins, and a milkshake from Mac and Dons. It always works for me."

"I don't want to exist anymore." Tamaki said.

Alfred sighed. "It's alright. I remember when I first drank. And believe me, dude. It was no accident when it happened."

Tamaki clenched his fists on the pillow and raised his head towards them. "First time. You serious? Don't act so naive."

"So...so you drank before?" Matthew asked.

"Don't you two get it?" Tamaki asked, sitting up with his eyes reddening. "You really think I'm so special? Everyday, I have to get up and drudge through all these problems. My parents, my grandmother, schoolwork, the club. And of course, Kyoya." Tamaki started to sniffle. "Do you know how hard it was to stop? And to find someone that would help me stop? Now he decides to just abandon me. How am I suppose to act?

Matthew stepped forward. "Are you talking about your family, or alcohol."  
>Tamaki shook his head. "I don't even know anymore."<p>

Alfred took Tamaki's arm and lifted him up. He slumped over his legs as he was raised to a seated position. "Dude, we can be all mopey and sad, or we can do something about it."

"You want me to go and see Kyoya?" Tamaki's said.

"Well, yes and no. You know how we live with that girl? She wants to use the host club for a movie." Matthew said

"We can bedazzle you and make you all pretty for the big screen. You need to get up and at 'em." Alfred said, pulling Tamaki to his feet.

"Alright. I'll go there. But I'm not speaking to Kyoya until he apologizes." He said.

"Atta boy. We'll get you some migraine stuff and a bagel, and you'll be all set." Alfred said.

Tamaki grimaced and covered his ears. "Watch my head."

Matthew patted him on the back. "Sorry. He's just getting you ready for the other girl. She's kinda overbearing."

* * *

><p><strong>I apologize for the lackluster chapter, and the lackluster timeliness that I possess. I have a lot of story juggling to do, adn it would help me if you all perused and reviewed my other stories. Also, I am always open to suggestions or insults when it comes to this story. Please, constructive reviews only. Thank you very much!<strong>


	17. Pre-Production

The daytime sky was clearer than the streaming water surfing down the wide river. On both sides of the river, the park sidewalks hugged the curbs being lapped by the small waves. Emerald trees dug into the sashaying grass surrounding it like the twigs littered by the bases.

A foot stomped onto a patch of the grass and marched forward, blazing a path through it. Preceding the soft crunching was Alfred, who wore a cheeky grin while dragging Tamaki along with him. Matthew walked beside the two.

They reached the side of the river. A large group was sprawled around the entrance towards a cement outcropping that reached to the middle of the river. A photo op place, Matthew assumed. The entire host club was present and donning normal street clothes.

"Hey, idiots. Your twenty minutes late. That's a penalty." Haruhi Suzimiya said from a black fold out chair next to the river. She sat with her legs crossed and a plastic cheerleader megaphone held up to her mouth. A metal camera stood in front of her.

"They're not late. It's not ten yet," Kyon said whole walking towards the three.

"They're the last ones here."

"Wait. Kyoya's not here yet," Tamaki said with a tinge of glum in his strengthening voice.

Just then, the tall, raven-haired man came from the sidewalk in a light brown jacket.

"Sorry for the rush. I needed to finish something before I arrived."

Haruhi Suzimiya growled. "Then you get the penalty."

Suddenly, Kyoya strutted towards her. He reared in front of her, leaving a dark shadow to hang over her head. Kyoya stared at her brown eyes, leaving Haruhi to gasp. A few tense-ridden moments ticked by, then Kyoya sighed.

"I would rather not be bothered by silly little girls like you. Just get this over with, and nobody has to have any problems."

At this, a light brown haired man standing by a flustered Mikiru came up to Kyoya. He put a hand on his shoulder, and regarded him with a small smile. "Excuse me, but Miss Suzimiya is just getting things together. Nothing personal."

Kyoya swatted his hand away. "Don't touch me. And I don't care. I'm not here for you anyway," he said while turning to Tamaki.

Tamaki started to walk over to Kyoya. However, Kyoya raised a large hand to him, and he glared at him. "I'll talk to you afterwards. Right now, let's forget about it."

Tamaki nodded.

Haruhi cleared her throat.

"Alfred and Matthew have recruited all of you to make this. So, I need to know all your names. Let's go around the circle. Boost twins. Names."

The ginger-haired twins stared at Haruhi's outstretched finger. "I'm Hikaru."

"And I'm Kaoru."

"How am I supposed to tell you two apart?" Haruhi whined.

The twins shrugged. "That's your problem, lady" Hikaru said.

Haruhi groaned. "How am I supposed to lead if you're all acting this way?"

"What way?" Kaoru asked.

"Like idiots. Forget it. Lolita, what's your name?"

"I'm Mitsikuni. But you can call me-."

"Nope. I can only handle one fake name at a time. Your Mitsikuni."

Honey started to babble in shock. Mori blew out a deep sigh.

"Whose the tall guy?" Haruhi asked.

"I'm Takashi," Mori said.

"Whose name is fake?"

Haruhi Suzimiya turned around. Behind her stood a girl with a brown-haired pixie cut and a pink sundress. When Haruhi approached her, she noticed her deep mocha eyes and her height which was almost the exact same as hers.

"Isn't it obvious?" Haruhi said as she put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. "Kyon."

"That's not his real name?" She asked.

"Of course not. What kind if name is Kyon, anyway?" Haruhi said when she turned back to Kyon.

"I thought you knew my real name," Kyon said.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Who are you?"

"Actually, it's funny how we started talking about names. My name is Haruhi also."

Haruhi Suzimiya gasped and whipped around on her tiptoes to face the rest of the group. "Is she serious?"

"As serious as Kyoya right now," Haruhi Fujioka said.

Suzimiya grinned. "I never thought I'd meet another Haruhi. It's like we were fated to meet. What's your favorite color?"

"Purple?"

"That's my favorite. She's the real deal guys."

Fujioka sighed. "Whatever. You think we can get started? Between you and me, the rest of these morons aren't in a very good mood."

Suzimiya chuckled. "I like you. You remind me a little of Mikiru. Except your not as spineless as Kyon, and you kind of lack in the chest department." She said when a frightened squeak came from Mikiru.

Haruhi Fujioka rolled her eyes and nodded. "Yes, I've been told that quite a few times before."

Suzimiya turned around. "And you are Tamaki."

Tamaki smiled and approached her. "Absolutely. I must say, I didn't think our leader would be as beautiful as you," he said.

She swatted away Tamaki's hand from her own. "Save it for the camera. I'm assuming doom and gloom over there is Kyoya."

"In the flesh," Kyoya said standing next to Mikiru.

"Alright. I think that's every-. Yuki and Itsuki. Where are they?" Suzimiya said, her face morphed into twisted frustration.

Kyon face palmed. "They were busy today."

"Whaddya mean they were busy?" She asked.

"They were busy. What makes you think I would know?"

"Whatever. Places, everyone."

"Dude, we don't know what's going on." Alfred said with a chuckle.

"Just get to your spot."

"Haruhi."

"Yeah?" Both Haurhis turned towards Kyon.

"Sorry. I meant Suzimiya."

"Stop hogging up our time. We got to get this going before six."

"What happens at six?" Hikaru asked.

"I blackmailed one of the computer geeks to edit the footage, but they'll only do it between six and eight."

Okay. What's this thing about, commoner?"

"I'm the only one that can use nicknames, thank you. Anyway, it's about these giant monsters that attack and kill humans. With special, futuristic weaponry, the humans fight back."

"Wait. That sounds like Godzilla," Kaoru said.

"Stop being so old, Kaoru. It's not Godzilla. It's like that one about..." Haruhi Fujioka said while snapping her fingers. "that kid that pilots the robot. And his father is the leader and something about mothers."

"Don't be ridiculous, dudes. It's the Gundam series. I've watched all of them," Alfred shouted.

"You're all wrong. Ive heard about it at school. It's the one that just came out. The one where the boy had that girl name. I think it starts with an 'E.' Ellen, maybe?"

"Kyon, are you a closet nerd?" Suzimiya asked with a sly grin.

Kyon bucked backwards. "No! I-I just heard about it around school."

"Sure. Speaking of monsters, Mikiru! You're the sexy monster. Put on the devil costume."

Mikiru screamed.

"Kyon. Take Mikiru and undress her."

Kyon's face turned tomato red. Then, with a quick glance at a whimpering Mikiru, he took her arm and dragged her away towards one of the wooden public bathrooms. She screamed louder with every inch through the grass they trudged through.

Suzimiya pointed at the twins. "You two. You're gonna be the cursed strippers searching for the treasure."

"Yes," Alfred shouted causing everybody to jump in their spots. "I knew there would be strippers in this!"

"Tamaki, you're the sword-wielding merchant that is trapped on the pirate ship."

"They're pirates in this?" Tamaki asked.

"Mitsikuni, your the wizard tries to defeat the monsters first, and then you die. Takashi, your the scientist that causes the monster to arise."

"Why do I have to die first?" Honey asked.

"Angst man," Suzimiya approached Kyoya. His glinting glasses shielded his black eyes with the reflective sunlight. "You're the greedy president that is siding with the monsters."

"Why the hell would I side with the monsters?" Kyoya growled. His hand rolled into clenched fists.

"I made up something about having no hope in humanity and just wanting to screw everyone over. Who really cares in the long run."

Suzimiya walked up to her namesake counterpart. She stared at her in contemplation. Her face lit up in inspiration. "You're going to be the Cosplayer with the chainsaw. Have you played a serial killer before?"

Fujioka brushed back her hair. "Believe me. I've had some interesting daydreams," she said.

"Great," Suzimiya gave her a thumbs up. "Now, are you familiar with wearing a skin-tight bunny suit?"

Tamaki immediately went limp in between Alfred and Matthew. They grabbed his powerless arms and hoisted him like the Japanese flag on top of the spying building across the river.

"Well, it won't be the first time, and I have a feeling it won't be the last," Fujioka said.

"Wonderful. Thanks for not being like Mikiru. Go ahead and change. I'll give you the chainsaw later."

Suzimiya finally stalked over to Alfred and Matthew.

"I'm the hero, right?" Alfred asked with a smirk.

"Right. The laser gun is by the chainsaw. Matthew, I'm giving you a choice between the murder victim for Haruhi, or the sexy cop that 'arrests' her."

Matthew sighed. He figured there was no way around it. He had no idea what he was getting into. He figured that they might as well have fun, even with the tension between all of them.

"I'll take the cop."

* * *

><p><strong>All important set up! things will go down in the next chapter.<strong>

**I apologize for the wait, but I've had things to work on. I would appreciate if you would peruse them and review.**

**Review this as well. Lengthy, constructive review are necessary for the development of the story! If even half the people that favorited and followed this story reviewed, I would be happy. Thank you!**


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